This is the short story I published as a video, which refers to a period in 2018 during the relationship. @LifeChangePlans
The 27th of August 2021 was the first anniversary of the abrupt termination of my 11-year relationship with a man that I attracted into my life in 2009.
“Was It All A Lie?”
I gave my life to you.
I did what you wanted me to do.
I gave you my heart.
You took my love.
You used my body.
You took my energy.
To now know that all these years you were living a lie.
Was It all a lie?
To tell me you never loved me.
And yet in the beginning you showed me kind caring and generous.
When the years passed my experience became one of isolation and loneliness.
You hurt me deeply with your confession of being with another woman.
I don’t know why you felt it necessary to let me know.
In the moment that my mind took in the information when my stomach sank and my emotions spilt over. As I stood there in the middle of the room I felt I wanted to die.
From inside I let out a piercing and painful scream.
Loud and long until I had no breath.
That was my reaction.
As you then stood up to try and put your arms around me I pushed you away and walked out.
To tell me this woman was not a threat.
To expect me to stay and be here for you.
While I asked If you don’t want me in your life please tell me.
But you said you did still want me.
You wanted me and you wanted her.
You had your double lifestyle.
You used the both of us.
Then you tell me, I should be grateful I had this lovely place to live and you were sending me money
Oh yes, you decided after your confession that I should have your money.
I didn’t ask for that.
I remember that you sat me down to tell me
Here’s what is happening, you said.
You had worked things through in your mind.
I was still in shock.
Every time you left me here to know you would be meeting your other woman.
I wanted to leave you then.
I talked about how I might end the situation I found myself in.
Seven long months of torture.
You finally decided to end it with her.
You said you were dealing with this.
Trust me you said and I did.
Your text message of “She wants one more night”
That you were collecting her from the train station.
Did I really need to know these details?
That weekend my heart was full of emotion
As I sat in the little coastal resort in the sunshine, the sound of the waves lapping in the distance as if to comfort me.
Writing out an exercise in a workbook.
Behind my sunglasses, the tears started to flow.
My thoughts were.
You were with her again.
And I was alone.
As people were all around me enjoying the day I sat there staring at the questions on the page.
What did I really want?
I had no idea, my mind was confused.
I was thinking, Who was I?
How did I get into this mess?
The workbook asked:
What were 10 things I could be grateful for today?
Who did I need to forgive?
Oh yes, forgiveness for wrongs and hurt.
Who could be top of that list?
There were no more messages from you that day.
As I returned home and told myself things can only get better now.
It was 4 am when a message came to my phone.
It said ” she cried, there was no sex”
Another painful reminder of the situation
Another woman that slept in the bed that we shared together
While you got whatever pleasure from this experience
Another woman spilling her tears from her heart because of you.
Titles from Loren Keeling – Available from Amazon
The author describes the often bizarre or odd behaviour of her partner, the “Dear Diary” entries she wrote when she experienced what she terms hidden emotional abuse and bullying behaviour.
My Letters To The Ex
If you have been disrespected, betrayed, or hurt and discarded use this Journal to start writing about your experiences and things that happened to cause you emotional distress and pain.
My Letters to the Other Woman
If you have been disrespected, betrayed, and hurt use this Journal to start writing about your experiences and things that happened to cause you emotional distress and pain.
My letters to the Universe: Manifestation Journal Will help you write out your dream life, start writing your script according to your heart’s true desires. 100 pages that start Dear Universe, using the Law of Attraction you can start scripting your letters to the Universe….
Writing is therapeutic and this book has been made for the purpose of journaling for therapeutic benefits. Help yourself to strengthen your immune system as well as your mind and heal from stresses and traumas.
From Book Launch to Retreat Owner
My campaign to Crowdfund the Self- Discovery Retreat
In talking with other women on my social platforms around Domestic Violence and their experiences it became apparent as in my own experience that many women are failed by the legal system despite elaborate legislation and the many Domestic Abuse Organisations.
I myself received very little in the way of support after being advised to file a Gender Violence complaint with the Spanish police in October 2020.
My experience is not unique.
My research has shown me that many women are failed in the Justice system, they can lose access to their children, their homes and their employment. A number of women became homeless after suffering domestic violence. Others had ex partners who were vindictive or revengeful and were using their power and money to actively pursue former partners through the legal system that had already failed them.
Who do we want to help?
Women who experience loss of self, purpose, and identity, who are impacted by domestic violence, and those who can be left emotionally, psychologically and financially devastated post-separation. Women who become isolated, are unsupported and not validated in the experiences they have suffered.
Grief and trauma from what I call the three Ds of relationship endings.
- Death of a spouse or partner,
- Discard as in the abrupt termination of their relationship.
I myself have experienced all three – read my experience.