6 Common Post Separation
Intimidation and threats, verbal abuse, financial abuse, legal abuse and DARVO - deny attack reverse victim and offender. Loren writes her story to raise awarenes of hidden forms of abuse, also highlighting the gaps in the laws after being advised to report gender violence in Spain where she lives. Loren deals with the conflicting legal advice from solicitors at the end of a non-married relationship. She points out that older women in cohabiting relationships can often find themselves stuck with no real support.
Post separation abuse refers to patterns of abuse that persists after a relationship has ended. Often the target or victim survivor did not realise there was abuse in the relationship.
Abuse is About Power and Control
Post-Separation Abuse Tactics that you need to know.
Coercion and threats
Abusers may attempt to control (coerce) you by threatening you.
harm you physically
compromise your financial security
use the law against you.
Manipulate Lie and Cheat
A double life, how and why? (It's like Goodnight Sweetheart)
Intimidation and fear
Abusers may try to get you to fear them by:
using intimidating gestures
raising their fists towards you
using violent gestures
violent rage outbursts
Isolation and discrediting
During the relationship Isolation is a common form of mental or emotional abuse. An abuser may push you to end relationships or distance yourself from loved ones so that you remain dependent on them. In some cases you may move to another country.
Legal abuse post separation
Abusers sometimes use the legal system in order to harass and control their target. They may file false reports, or falsely accuse you of criminal behavior. They could also attempt to sue you or draw out court proceedings in order to harass or impoverish you.
Power and Coercive Control
Abusers may try to make their abuse seem like your fault, or they may deny it happened altogether.
- minimizing abuse by making light of their actions
- or accusing you of over exaggerating
- denying that certain things happened at all
- blaming you and DARVO
Sometimes, these tactics are a form of gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a type of manipulation where an abuser makes you question your beliefs, sanity, and perception of reality.
Power and coercive control wheel
The power and control wheel was developed in the 1980's. This tool is also known as the Duluth wheel.
Abuse tactics mentioned in the wheel include:
- emotional abuse
- minimizing, denying, and blaming
- using children
- using male privilege
- economic abuse
- coercion and threats
What Others Say
Loren Keeling endured emotional devastation and fear after the abrupt termination of the relationship. She experienced intimidation and threats at the same time that her ex-partner had promised to share the property value equally. What makes this memoir particularly compelling is Part Three in which Keeling reflects on the whole of the relationship while researching various ways to heal the emotional turmoil and post traumatic stress responses.
The first negative review from the court document in the allegation of defamation from the man I shared my life with for eleven years.
"This spiteful book tells her story of our relationship. Whilst it contains much which is factually correct and much which is untrue, some of it is pure fiction. The book is 337 pages long, of which 164 pages relate directly to me."
Claiming Defamation (July 2022)
Post-separation abuse wheel
The post-separation abuse wheel covers abuse that happens to women and
children after the end of a relationship. Post separation abuse can also happen
to older women nearing retirement as in my story and the story of another woman
who is living in the same region of Spain. Watch the video and listen to how
two women have similiar stories and end up with different outcomes.