This is a chapter from Deceptions Illussions Embroidered With Truth.
My daughter helps me out.
After my attempts to negotiate with the mediation company had failed, I was juggling my finances and looking for opportunities to start earning again. I was watching videos on YouTube, and I saw one advertisement pop up a few times. It was a program to learn new skills and how to create review videos on affiliate products. The idea was that in reviewing the products and posting the video on your own channel, you would promote them during the launch period and offer free bonus products as incentives for people to purchase. I liked the idea of learning how to create videos; the other part of the program was creating your digital product and launching your program with support from other marketers to promote your launch product.
I signed up for the pre-recorded webinar to get the program’s details and price. I didn’t have the money to purchase the training. I contacted my youngest daughter to see if she could help me with a small loan. She agreed and sent over the payment. I was then able to start learning the process. At first, I was overwhelmed by the idea of putting my face on camera to record myself talking. My first few videos were screen recordings and voiceovers because I had little confidence in putting myself in front of the camera. However, as I was going through the training and connecting with other affiliate marketers starting out, my confidence grew. I committed to recording at least two to three weekly videos while learning.
Can we resolve this without a mediator?
Philip emailed me asking, “Can we resolve this without a mediator?
My email in reply was written from a place of anxiety and trauma after everything I had experienced.
EMAIL Jul 6, 2021, 7:52 AM
My dearest Phillip,
Can we resolve this without a mediator?
Do you really mean?
Can you resolve this without a mediator?
The optimal word WE does not apply to anything you do.
Remember what you said.
You can not negotiate with me, Loren.
You can not negotiate a gift.
You did not want to listen to me when I asked for your help before you left; £30,000 is all I asked for, my mortgage repaid so that I had some financial security while waiting for the house to sell.
You made this situation worse because of the way you handled it.
Not me, you, Paul. You were the one with the huge addictions, whiskey, cannabis, and prescription meds, a trip with Amy, remember?
My free legal advice said to stay put.
My 2nd advice was to file a Gender Violence complaint. €50 but no help because I asked Rafael Cardenas to write to Sr. Fontaine, but he refused. He told me, you heard what he said; you can not negotiate with him.
I didn’t want to file a complaint, so I backed out of going with my friend; instead, I wrote a letter to Fontaine myself; it was only after the reply to my email from your Solicitor that I went ahead with that gender violence advice.
(That whole experience was traumatic)
Legal advice that didn’t help.
My third legal advice was White solicitors in the UK; you dismissed them and told the mediator to speak to Sr. Fontaine. £120 wasted. My fourth legal advice and interpreter appointment was €80. Fontaine refused to communicate with this person. My interpreter told me it was very strange that Fontaine did not reply to his phone calls or communications.
At the office of the Guardia, I explained that I had been told before I made any statement that I should have a solicitor with me. The victim support told me this. Yet, at the police station, the officer told me I would be appointed a solicitor in the court. As Rafael Cardenas had refused to help me further, I had no legal support at the police station. At the court in October, there was a huge communication misunderstanding. They thought the recording was a phone call because you were in the UK. The free solicitor did not ask me any questions. The judge said the case would be kept open. She could fine you for “verbal abuse.” She even asked me what I wanted and told me she could not bring you back. I told the judge I didn’t want to do this and was against my beliefs. I had no idea that you would be summoned. I guess those dominoes that were suspended were starting to drop.
So in answer to his question.
“Can we resolve this without a mediator?”
I write back to him. This was my email.
Try again.
You must try harder.
Start by asking me a few questions.
Let me repeat what I said to you as I hugged you for the last time on the day you abandoned me here.
“I never thought it would end like this.”
Now, go away and think about this. When you have your thoughts in some better order and a more positive outcome for me, please write back and explain what you will do to make amends for all the terribly, terribly, terribly bad things you did to me.
No deadlines, no pushing me with dates, no derisory financial offers that leave me in a worse situation. You see Phillipl. If you wish to turn up here at Las Zinas, I will be here waiting for you. This time, it will not be to hug you and tell you I still love you. Oh no. It will be nothing like that. You may be surprised at what a woman betrayed, a woman lied to, a woman who feels used and abused is capable of.
From the woman who was once your friend, lover, and soul mate. The person who you wanted to “anticipate your every need.”
The phrase “terribly, terribly, terribly bad” is the words he used to me before he left when he explained to me what he wanted and needed in the 26-minute one-sided verbal onslaught, which was meant to be a friendly and amicable discussion.
Have you ever felt emotionally triggered by an email from a former partner? My anxiety levels were through the roof. Phillip’s emails were full of inconsistencies. The offer of a £40,000 settlement had been made through the mediator, yet I also received another email with a completely different financial settlement. The goalposts have moved so many times.
This is how Phillip made his offer.
The offer I am making you is on the table for two weeks (until 19 July)
My offer is £25,000 UKP as follows:
Payment A: £5,000 to be paid next day once she agrees to leave by 23 July 2021
Payment B: £10,000 to be paid as soon as she leaves the property.
Payment C: £10,000 (minus costs of cleaning & repairs etc to property) to be paid 3 months later (October).
Now, you might think this is reasonable. Well, let me tell you what advice I was given when I attended the charity organisation CAVI in the region of Spain where I live. The lawyer advised me, “Money first, then leave.” So, the bulk of the settlement, £20,000, would not be paid until I left the property. Then, there were deductions to come off one of the payments, which meant he could charge anything he liked and reduce the amount again.
Let me recap how many failed negotiations there have been up to this point so that you can understand my stress and anxiety levels.
Six failed attempts.
- 15th September 2020 – Phillip rages at me, “You can not negotiate with me.”
- October 2020 request to Rafael Cardenas – The solicitor repeated his advice to file a gender violence complaint
- Email to Fontaine to request cooperation
- White Solicitors – attempt to start mediation
- Spanish legal firm via the translator from the GV Court hearing
- May 2021 – Wellpath Consultancy
Read “Moving The Goalposts Again”
This is a chapter from the sequel to my first book. Post-Separation Abuse. Betrayal & Abandonment: What Type Of Man?
First Published May 20, 2022. Updated Version October 2024 Domestic Violence Awareness Month. #DVAM
2024 16 Days Of Activism 25th November to 10th December.
Reached Number one in the Self-Help For Abuse Category in the UK Amazon KDP and number two in the same category in the KDP US.
If you live in the UK, buy on Amazon here or in the US buy on Amazon here.
