This short article is a chapter from What Type of Man? Stuck – Why do women stay? was written by another survivor who contributed anonymously. She listed 12 reasons why women stay. These might resonate with you if you have been in a similar situation. Or perhaps you are still in a marriage or living with a partner, like I was and are becoming aware that you need to find a way to escape.
Why do women stay in relationships that have become toxic? Perhaps because they are trapped. A housewife who has no independent income. Estranged from their family. Here is a list that came from another victim telling the story of
Why don’t women leave?
Here’s why
- The man is scary and has threatened harm to himself, to you, to a pet or your children
- The man holds the finances, making the victim dependent on him and making it difficult to leave.
- Financial abuse. Men sometimes coerce women into taking out loans in the victim’s name as a way to trap them.
- Society doesn’t care or have enough resources to help, and sometimes the law isn’t just; it’s crooked.
- They have children/pets together, and they will struggle financially.
- The victim feels responsible for the abuser.
- You feel more scared to leave than to stay because they have conditioned you to comply with their instructions, or you’ll face consequences.
- You love them, at least who they were at the beginning, and even though you know you have lost them already, it’s the final step to losing them entirely, including losing the potential future you hoped you would have.
- They have ruined your self-esteem so badly that leaving isn’t something you consider because you feel lucky to have some love.
- You have tried to leave before, and they have stopped you somehow.
- You have no other options as they have isolated you, kept you financially dependent, monitored what you do now, and perhaps even stopped you from working.
- You put your trust in him; you thought he loved you.
Why did I stay?
Because after Katrina, I forgave him. He told me he was not running away. He asked me to trust him, and I did.
Then I started feeling better about myself, and I started enjoying my life again. I started yoga, got involved in art classes, and did dance practice for months, building up to the Cartagena Carnival in February 2020, when he told me how proud he was. I even started looking at the website projects that I had shelved in the previous few years as a way to start earning my own money again.
Abuse doesn’t discriminate — it can happen to anyone.
If you’ve ever been there, know this:
You are not weak for staying.
You are not foolish for loving.
You are human — and you deserve safety, respect, and peace.
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