Story time. My Post Separation experiences
After the ex-partner had informed me that he would pay for “transformational coaching” with the same ex-GP Hypnotherapist NLP practitioner that he had seen just the weekend before.
I was questioning WHY?
He had a plan. Told me he could book flights return to the UK, hire a car, book a hotel and be there for me so I could experience this “transformation”.
I think I actually said Why? Out loud..
He told me so that I could have the success in business that I always wanted. August 26th 2020.
The very next evening after entertaining friends, he suggested a night cap and sitting on the cosy seats on the porch.
So he made the drinks.
We sat down and I was just relaxing when he said.
“I’ve got something to tell you”
Well, I had heard that exact phrase before, and immediately I had a flashback to December 27th 2017. When he did his entitled confession to another woman he referred to as his Wednesday Girl.
I was on high alert.
The next three sentences were.
“I’m in love with another woman”
“We can remain friends if you want to remain friends”
“We just can’t have sex anymore”
August 27th 2020
Discarded or Dumped Same Thing
That was the beginning of the end for me.
But I was not prepared for what happened in the four weeks that followed while he decided everything that was going to happen.
I was thrown into shock, turmoil, disbelief, and uncertainty. But there was worse coming.
By September 12th I was about to take part in a 2 day transformation coaching over Zoom.
The practitioner had decided to go ahead despite the situation and circumstances that I was now in. I had made contact with the woman to try and find out why all of a sudden after this coaching my partner had become my ex-partner.
I had a letter from the now ex that said he would share the property 50/50. Unfortunately, I had also been threatened with being thrown out onto the streets. SEPT 4TH
Emotional Turmoil Fear and Uncertainty
My mind was obviously confused by his behaviour.
However, I still tried to think of ways forward from the situation. I wrote a financial proposal that was different to the one I had been given.
It involved me remaining in the property with his help so that I could maybe have the “success in business” that he had talked about.
I sent him my email on the 12th the day of the coaching. By the 15th of September, things were starting to unravel.
My Independent Thoughts and Ideas
I had written a GoFundMe page. Because I wanted to start a business at the property.
I had talked about this with the coach that the now ex had paid for. I sent the page out privately to a few friends. One friend got back to me and said she thought it was something positive from something negative. This mutual friend shared the GoFundMe page to her Facebook profile I had not asked people not to share. I had not intended to go public at that point.
Stomach Churning Text Messages
The next thing that happened was angry text messages from the Ex who had taken himself to an air BnB for a few days while I did the Zoom coaching.
I had no idea how he had seen the GoFund page or who had shared it. But the text messages were making my stomach churn.
One text message said.
“Are you out of your mind?”
I replied, “I don’t know my mind came up with the idea”
The Idea To Write My Story – August 27th 2020
Just like my mind came up with the idea to write my story. I actually told the ex on the very night of his discard speech. I guess he thought I wouldn’t write my story or he didn’t really listen to me.
I started writing in April 2021 just as I was getting through the shock, grief and trauma of the abrupt termination and the fact that two weeks after he left he informed me he was going to court to have me forcibly removed from the property.
Another four weeks later in November he was on the beach posting a photograph with his newfound love after having “plighted his troth” his words. He said it was a phenomenon of lost and found lovers. They’d had a brief relationship 38 years before.
I only discovered this as a neighbour was worried about me and she shared the image.
My book is a creative non-fiction. It is available on Amazon and Digital Bookstores in English and now Spanish.
Written to raise awareness of hidden emotional abuse. Also, it highlights the gaps in the laws when couples decide to live together without marriage or any formal registration.
Because a woman can find that they are a second-class citizen if they are in a relationship with no legal status in law.
The legal profession will give you conflicting advice, you will be left in limbo, between a rock and a hard place.
Precarious Eviction Hearing in 2022
The lawyer appointed to take my defence in the “precarious” eviction hearing in 2022 told me “The Judge will order your eviction”
The same lawyer would not interrogate the plaintiff at the hearing because neither of us understands Spanish. Plus her client (me) had recognised free legal assistance so not having any form of income the costs of a translator would fall to the court.
She did not tell me this at the time she wrote to the court. Because on the day of the hearing, I did have the service of a translator the same court translator that helped me in the Gender Violence court in October 2020.
My next book will continue the story of my post-separation experiences.
The title is Deceptions and Illusions. Embroidered With Truth.
Other Useful Resources That Can Help You
You can find the audio version of this blog post here on my YouTube Channel
Check the links here for more resources to help educate on High Conflict Divorce, and Divorcing a Narcissist and for downloads on Getting over Anxiety or Gateway to Success and other Books from Amazon.