I self-published my first book, “What Type of Man? In May 2022. I started writing that book in April 2021.
I wanted to document everything that had happened post-separation. Before publishing, I changed the title to “Post-Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type Of Man?” I was living in Spain, after what can only be described as a narcissistic discard from the man I had been in a relationship with for the past eleven years. During the four weeks he was with me in the Spanish home, he seemed to be very emotionally unstable. He was also consuming large volumes of alcohol, whiskey and red wine mostly. Plus, he was also smoking a lot of cannabis; I guess this was not helping him.
Future plans for planting more oleander.
To recap the situation, Philip ended the relationship with what I now call his four-sentence discard speech. This happened on the same night that we had entertained our friends who were on holiday from the UK. During the evening, Phillip had asked me to sit on his knee and give him a kiss, in front of our guests. I, of course, followed his instructions, sat on his knee and gave him a kiss. We had been talking about future plans for planting more oleander in the garden and other improvements. So everything seemed as normal as it could be.
It was after our friends had left that Phillip plucked up the courage. He said, “Let’s have a nightcap and sit on the cosy seats on the porch”, so he went off to prepare the drinks. We sat on brown winged back chairs on the porch, and I was just winding down after clearing things away. I took a sip of the drink, and then Phillip said, “I’ve got something to tell you.”
WOAH! OMG! I had an instant flashback to another time when he came out with the exact same phrase.
When he sat me down on the 27th of December 2017 and confessed that he was cheating with a woman in the UK that he had started seeing four weeks before. He referred to this woman as his Wednesday Girl.
A four-sentence discard speech
He quickly followed up with.
“I’m in love with another woman.” Then
“We can remain friends if you want to remain friends.”
And “We just can’t have sex anymore.”
That was it. These four sentences ended our relationship. Well, that was a punch in the gut.
Thank You, Phillip.
Two days later, Phillip was in the office, and I was about to go out for the first time since he had terminated our relationship. I walked into the office to tell him I was going out. He was sitting at the desk in front of the computer, and he had written what he called a financial proposal. He said he wanted me to have some figures before I went out. He was practically begging me to help him get the printer to work so he could hand me the letter he had written.
I looked at him and said, “Send it in an email.” Phillip did not even ask me where I was going.
His Dear Loren letter.
After I left, I received the email; sure enough, his “Dear Loren” letter was attached.
It was a weird letter of financial offers, none of which made any real sense to me, and some of which had never even been discussed. His offer was fifty per cent of the value of the property. He would help with solicitors and removal fees. I could have the furniture. He would help pay off a mortgage on the property I had rented out in the UK, but only after I left the Spanish house. Then, something which was not part of anything I had talked about. But now, I guess it was a projection of what he was doing.
He wrote.
“You have been very clear that you want to move on as quickly as possible. There are lots of good houses advertised in the area between 60 and 80 thousand EURO, and as you know, it can take as little as six weeks to complete. But if you want to move out straight away, I am willing to help you rent somewhere until you can find and move into a new house.”
(Part of the actual letter)
My immediate reply
To be honest, after reading his letter and seeing his words “I know you have a lot to process at the moment”, I replied immediately to say Thanks, but no thanks, I have a lot to process right now. It might sound weird that I would send this rejection within a few minutes of reading the email. In my mind, I had the past experience of his previous financial manipulation of 2018, when he started paying £667 into my UK business bank account. And the horrible things he had said during his “Wednesday Girl” entitled double lifestyle.
So, he had hastily put together his financial proposal and was planning to sell the Spanish home, but had not talked anything through with me first. He was also planning on selling his other home in the UK. He was going to move into the property of his “new woman”, whom he had now declared he was in love with.
Within days of the property going on sale and after the first viewing, the problems started. Six days after receiving the proposal letter, I was threatened by Phillip. It was the 4th of September. He had received some “feedback” from the Property Agent that I had instructed to sell the property. I thought she was a friend, but I soon found out some friends are not who you think they are.
I was in the bedroom when Phillip walked in. I could see he was angry. He bent down towards my face and said in an angry tone that he’d had negative feedback from the agent. I can’t remember saying anything, but I remember what he shouted at me.
Things turn nasty
It went like this:
“Don’t fuck about with me.
I’m in control; you do as I say, or I can throw you out onto the street.”
After he walked out of the bedroom, I sent a text message to the Agent and another to my neighbour. I told them what Phillip had just said.
The Agent replied, saying Phillip had instructed them to sell the property, and she was just giving feedback. I put her straight on a few things. I told her no, Phillip would not have touched your company because he said you worked for that twat Barry. I instructed you. A reference to the guy who showed us the Spanish property that Phillip had first put a deposit on, and the property fell through due to some issues with the “escritura” Spanish for the property records.
The neighbour replied, “I do hope things are not going to turn nasty” Well, things did turn nasty, and that was the main reason I documented my post-separation experience in my first book.
I left my personal story hanging in the air in 2021 after the failed Mediation with Wellpath Consultancy. I paid them to help me obtain a settlement and instructed them in January 2021. Unfortunately, Wellpath’s owner-manager, Adrian Stewart, manipulated me and lied to me. I discovered the deceit and then posted a video on my Facebook profile in June 2021 to call them out.
My post read
#Truthbomb: When you put your trust in a person or a company and then discover you are lied to.
Wellpath Consultancy.
Apparently lied to me big-time.
Deny this if you can, Adrian Stewart.
Reporting the Mediation Company for Fraud
Months later, this video helped three other individuals who had also been scammed by the same person and company. One by one, I was contacted privately to ask what had happened because they had also experienced issues. The last person to make contact had lost a substantial amount of money. He asked if I could help him report the company owner to Action Fraud in the UK. I agreed and asked the other two individuals if they wanted to make a complaint. I made a group chat, and we all made complaints. Luckily, the person who had paid out a few thousand pounds was able to recover his money through his bank due to the fraud report.
First Offer in Mediation “Derisory”
I had been expecting a settlement, and the first offer was a derisory €13,000, which Adrian had negotiated by talking to Phillip. I think the negotiations had proved difficult. Phillip, being the man he is, kept changing things, and Adrian complained to me about him when he called me with updates. I recall one such conversation where Adrian told me he would deduct every postage stamp from the settlement if Phillip got his way.
Philip wanted to pay €3,000 for the first payment and then €10,000 after I left the property. I didn’t like the idea of leaving the house first. Adrian called me, and when he told me that Phillip was “pushing him” to get the paperwork drawn up, I felt a strange sensation. I knew it would be a mistake to accept this offer. After that phone call, I took matters into my own hands.
I moved Phillip’s vintage MG Sports car out of the garage. (I know this might sound bad, like manipulation, but this was nothing compared to everything I had experienced during and after the relationship.) The derisory offer went up to £40,000. Phillip wanted the MG out of the garage into storage, and the agreement was that I would receive £3,000 into my bank as soon as that was done. Adrian explained that he had the money in their account and that I would receive the money through them. The offer was nowhere near the original €115,000, which was fifty per cent of the value of the four-bedroom Spanish home. But I thought, okay, I can start over. I can pay off the UK property mortgage and receive the monthly income. Plus, another neighbour offered me a rental to help me out. At least I could pay rent and bills and have money for food and medical insurance. It was a start.
-
Learning New Skills – Summer 2021
My youngest daughter helps me out.
After my attempts to negotiate with the mediation company had failed, I was juggling my finances and looking for opportunities to start earning again. I was watching videos on YouTube, and I had seen one advertisement pop up a few times. It was a program to learn how to create review videos on affiliate products. The idea was that in reviewing the products and posting the video on your own YouTube channel, you would be promoting new digital products and software during the launch period, as well as offering free bonus products as incentives for people to purchase.
A small loan
I liked the idea of learning how to create videos. The other part of the program was creating your own digital product and launching your own program with support from other marketers to promote your launch product. I signed up for the pre-recorded webinar to get the details and the price of the program. I didn’t have the money to purchase the training. I reached out to my youngest daughter to see if she could help me with a small loan. She agreed and sent over the payment.
My excitement was cut short
I was then able to start learning the process. At first, I was overwhelmed by the idea of putting my face on camera to record myself talking. My first few videos were screen recordings and voiceovers because I had very little confidence in putting myself in front of the camera. However, as I was going through the training and connecting with other affiliate marketers who were starting the same program, my confidence started to grow. I made a commitment to myself to record a minimum of two to three videos each week. I was learning new skills by following the program instructions step by step. I hoped to achieve success and earn money, as I still had no income then. My excitement was cut short as I received news by email that Philip was returning to Spain.
Phillip emailed me asking, “Can we resolve this without a mediator?”
My email in reply was written from a place of anxiety and trauma after everything I had experienced.
EMAIL Jul 6, 2021, 7:52 AM
My dearest Phillip,
Can we resolve this without a mediator?
Do you really mean?
Can you resolve this without a mediator?
The optimal word WE does not apply to anything you do.
Remember what you said.
You can not negotiate with me, Loren.
You can not negotiate a gift.
You did not want to listen to me when I asked for your help before you left; £30,000 is all I asked for, my mortgage repaid, so that I would have some financial security while waiting for the house to sell.
You made this situation worse because of the way you handled it.
Not me, you, Philip. You were the one with the huge addiction to whiskey, cannabis, and prescription meds, a trip with Amy, remember?
My free legal advice said to stay put.
My 2nd advice was to file a Gender Violence complaint. €50, but no help because I asked Rafael Cardenas to write to Sr. Fontaine, but he refused. He told me, you heard what he said; you can not negotiate with him.
I didn’t want to file a complaint, so I backed out of going with my friend; instead, I wrote a letter to Fontaine myself; it was only after the reply to my email from your Solicitor that I went ahead with that gender violence advice.
(That whole experience was traumatic)
My third legal advice was White solicitors in the UK. You dismissed them and told the mediator to speak to Sr. Fontaine. £120 wasted. My fourth legal advice and interpreter appointment was €80 – Fontaine refused to communicate with this person. My interpreter told me it was very strange that Fontaine did not reply to any of his phone calls or communications.
Filing the Gender Violence Complaint
At the office of the Guardia, I explained that I was told before I made any statement, I should have a solicitor with me. The victim support told me this.
Yet at the police station, the officer told me I would be appointed a solicitor at the court. As Rafael Cardenas had refused to help me further, I had no legal support at the police station.
At the court in October, there was a huge communication misunderstanding. They thought the recording was a phone call because you were in the UK. The free solicitor did not ask me any questions. The judge said the case would be kept open. She could fine you for “verbal abuse.” She even asked me what I wanted and told me she could not bring you back. I told the judge that I didn’t want to do this and that it was against my beliefs. I had no idea that you would be summoned. I guess those dominoes that were suspended were starting to drop.
So, in answer to “Can we resolve this without a mediator?”
Try again.
You must try harder.
Start by asking me a few questions.
Let me repeat what I said to you as I hugged you for the last time on the day you abandoned me here.
“I never thought it would end like this.”
Go away and think about this.
Now, go away and think about this.
When you have your thoughts in some better order and a more positive outcome for me, please do write back and explain just what you are going to do to make amends for all the terribly, terribly, terribly bad things you did to me.
No deadlines, no pushing me with dates, no derisory financial offers that leave me in a worse situation.
You see Phillipl. If you wish to turn up here at Las Zinas, I will be here waiting for you.
Only this time, it will not be to give you a hug and tell you I still love you.
Oh no. It will be nothing like that. You may be surprised at what a woman betrayed, a woman lied to, a woman who feels used and abused is capable of.
From the woman who was once your friend, your lover, your soul mate.
The person who you wanted to “anticipate your every need.”
This was my email.
The phrase, “terribly, terribly, terribly bad,” was the words he had used to me before he left, when he was explaining to me what he wanted and what he needed in the 26-minute-long one-sided verbal onslaught, which was meant to be a friendly and amicable discussion of my financial proposal and his offer.
Triggered
Have you ever felt emotionally triggered by an email from a former partner? My anxiety levels were through the roof. Phillip’s emails were full of inconsistencies. The offer of a £40,000 settlement had been made through the mediator, yet I also received another email with a completely different financial settlement. The goalposts have moved so many times.
This is how Phillip made his offer in a direct email to the mediator. I discovered his email weeks later, after I had sacked the mediation company from representing me. Phillip had copied in a joint email address for receiving utility bills and other emails.
The offer I am making you is on the table for two weeks (until 19 July)
My offer is £25,000 UKP as follows:
Payment A: £5,000 to be paid next day once she agrees to leave by 23 July 2021
Payment B: £10,000 to be paid as soon as she leaves the property.
Payment C: £10,000 (minus costs of cleaning & repairs etc to property) to be paid 3 months later (October).
Now, you might think this is reasonable. Well, let me tell you what advice I was given when I attended the charity organisation CAVI in the region of Spain where I am living. The lawyer’s advice to me was “Money first, then leave” So the bulk of the settlement, £20,000, was not going to be paid until I had left the property. Then there were deductions to come off one of the payments, which meant he could charge anything he liked and reduce the amount again.
Let me just recap how many failed negotiations there had been up to this point so that you can understand my stress and anxiety levels.
1. 15th September 2020 – Phillip rages at me, “You can not negotiate with me.”
2. October 2020 request to Rafael Cardenas – The solicitor repeated his advice to file a gender violence complaint.
3. Email to Fontaine to request cooperation.
4. White Solicitors – attempt to start mediation.
5. Spanish legal firm via the translator from the GV Court hearing.
6. January to June 2021 – Wellpath Consultancy
(Six failed attempts.)
Publishing in 2026.
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