What did I do Wrong?

This article is a chapter from my first self-published book. Post-Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment, What Type Of Man? Why was he angry is something I asked myself over and over again. I blamed myself for what happened. When I started writing the outline of the book in April 2021 seven months had passed since the discard or abrupt termination of the relationship.

I had moved through grief and started to feel better about myself. Although my situation was far from secure. I did have hope that the ex-partner would come to his senses and do the right thing eventually. Now it is three years and five months post-separation and all I can say is the last three years have been an eye-opener. As a person who had a strong belief in justice and human rights, I can now tell you that my belief was shattered when I encountered failure after failure in the legal processes. I intend to document my findings and write about them in my next book.

But for now, here are two chapters that I titled “He saw my Crowdfunding Page shared by a friend  I ask for the meeting to be recorded.” And “The meeting we agreed to record. 15th of September”

He saw my Crowdfunding Page shared by a friend  I ask for the meeting to be recorded.

On the 15th of September, we made arrangements for him to return to the property to discuss the email I had written on the 12th of September. However, at some point in the day, a friend of mine/ours shared the GoFund page link that I had sent to her privately in Messenger, and it was shared on her Facebook news feed. Of course, it wasn’t too long before Phillip got to see the GoFund page in the Facebook newsfeed. Then he started to send me text messages that were a bit upsetting. 

He asked me to get the page deleted, I had no idea at the time who had shared the page publicly.

His text:
Are you even listening? 
My reply:
Have you treated me badly Phillip?
I said that I hope we can come to an amicable agreement for a win-win situation while ending our love relationship. I just want to let you know that I am very grateful for everything that you have helped me with and supported me in, during our time together.

His Text: And then launder my infidelity in a public begging letter using my house as bait? Are you out of your mind?

My Text: Who Knows?  My mind came up with the idea

His text: We discussed what I expected of you as a condition of staying there and you have fucked up already.

We had not discussed anything apart from the night of the abrupt discard. I had not wanted to talk to him. When I had gone looking for him to discuss some of the options I had thought of, I’d found him sitting in the building we had named the games room because it housed the snooker table that I had bought for his 60th birthday. I could see he was chatting to someone over his iPad, as I walked into the door,  he was sitting trimming the buds from the legally grown cannabis plants that I had been looking after for him, while he was out of the country. 

Anyway, he looked up and then said hello and quickly followed that by “Loren this is Delia” and “Delia this is Loren”  I looked at Phillip and said “You know what I’ll send you an email”, while Delia piped up in a squeaky feminine voice “Oh, I think you are doing remarkably well” I turned around and walked out.

Red flag – Introducing you to the other woman.

My next text in reply:

I only know how I feel right now. I know the house is yours. I am trying to make the best of a situation that I find myself in. I am doing the best I can with the knowledge and resources that I have in my control. Like I say no one has offered any information or feedback.
Perhaps I should not have told the truth about the situation I find myself in. 
Yes, it does sound very desperate and personal.
What do you expect of me, Phillip?
What did you think would happen after you confessed for the 2nd time that you had been unfaithful in our relationship?
Perhaps it is you who has “fucked up” as you say that we could not have sex ever again, that you still loved me but that you wanted us to remain friends. I was not strong enough in our relationship. I discovered that over the weekend, with Dr Bella.

His Text In Response:
I have treated you with respect. Treating me disrespectfully is not “being strong”. I will not tolerate it.
Is there any point in me coming over tonight?

My reply:

I am not intentionally being disrespectful.
I really am not.
You can come here as you planned. If you wish. As long as you are calm and not angry or abusive.
I’m not angry, I’m trying to work through and process a situation that’s all. Honestly.
Like I said, no one pointed out that I might be behaving disrespectfully.  
I was talking about being strong in our relationship from the start. Not now, as we do not have a love relationship anymore. 
Perhaps you really need to accept that you have been disrespectful towards me.
Perhaps then you will understand.
My laptop has expired, and I now have no charger. 
I understand you need to work tomorrow but I would be grateful if I could charge my laptop up again. 

His text: I will come over at 6.

My reply: Okay let’s not discuss any of this when you arrive. 

The meeting we agreed to record
15th of September

PH  Right so we’re recording this because that was your request. 

LK. Yeah, 

PH Okay 

PH. I don’t want to get into an argument about what you’ve done with this  GoFundMe thing, I don’t want to talk about that now, what I wanted to talk about was this so-called financial settlement document that you sent me. 

LK. (Interrupts) Proposal  

PH. That’s what we’re supposed to be talking about  

 LK. Exactly, so if I can look and find it so I can…

PH  (interrupts) Hang on before you find it   

LK.  hmm    (So I was unable to discuss anything in the proposal that I had written to him on the 12th )

PH. You, you need to be absolutely clear about what I want and need because reading through this document you put together, I don’t really think you’ve listened at all, to what I need. Or maybe I haven’t made it clear enough.  So.. I need to make clear to you what I want and what I need, and then,  You need to go away and think about it,  because the first thing I want, is I want to break off, terminate, get rid of, all my errr  financial physical obligations and commitments to you, I want it to stop.

So I’m not interested in investing in Aiskell Road or anything else I’m not interested, I have offered you some money and with that money, you can do what you want, but I don’t want to get involved in it, I don’t want to be part of it, I don’t want to be involved. 

I want a clean break, that’s what we said, that’s what we discussed and that’s what I want. That’s what I want a clean break, now talk about exactly how, and when, but you need to understand that anything you want to do that relies on me making investments beyond whatever time we decide the cut-off for all this is.  It isn’t gonna happen. 
(Actually, this was the first time that we had sat down together to discuss anything, so all of the “ that’s what we said, that’s what we discussed” never happened)

(Again, “beyond whatever time we decide the cut off for all this is”, the “we decide” means nothing if I am unable to say anything or discuss anything so there wasn’t any “we decide”)

PH. So that’s the first thing, do you understand? 

Me. Well, you are making yourself very loud and clear. 

P. I’m making myself clear because it’s clear, it’s clear that you haven’t understood, see we don’t communicate terribly well and you have a habit of grabbing some idea and running off with it without stopping and thinking about it,  this GoFundMe thing is a perfect example of that but that’s not my point I’m wanting to argue about. My point is you haven’t considered me and what I want.      
Because you know that’s, that’s not generally what you do. 
Now, now I’m telling you, what I want, I want it over and done with. 
If we can stay friends let’s stay friends, but I want it over and done with, I do not want to be hanging on to investment in your house or anything else, not at all, (raises voice) 
It’s a terribly, terribly, terribly BAD idea,  and it isn’t going to happen. 
So that’s the first thing to be sure and clear about (low voice) 

Me.  Mm  (feeling in shock) is that enough?

P. The second thing is, that was what I need, now I’ll tell you what I want. I want to get 115,000 euros out of this, I’d like to get back what it’s cost me, which would be about €250,000 euros but that aint gonna happen.  Unless I cut you off with nothing. 

Me. Okay  (Unless I cut you off with nothing – feeling sick to my stomach.) 

P. Erm, and it’s not my intention to cut you off with nothing 

Me. Aha, (meaning a sort of yes)

P. Pull any more stunts like this one, and I and I bloody will, because I was deciding whether to give you 24 or 48 hours this afternoon.

Me. 24 or 48 hours of what? 

P. (raises voice) To get out of here, after what you fucking put up on that bloody internet. 

(raises voice) You still don’t seem to understand how deeply offensive that was. 
Again, you, you, seem to lack any empathy for me at all, I keep, I keep seeing this more and more in you. 
You, you, anyway look.  (me, thinking really! I lack empathy after the way you have treated me in this relationship.) 

Me. You said you weren’t going to talk about that. 

P. No, I want to tell you, what I am, need to make clear 

Me. Hmmn  (draws in breath)  okay 

P. (louder voice) So I have a suggestion to how we get this out I have listened to what you said in your proposal I’ve tried to understand you,  and I’ve tried to recognise your need for security,  so, erm.   I have decided to present my offer to you in a slightly different way. 
It’s the same thing, it’s the same amount of money, thing is Loren the other bit you seem to not quite got here is, you,  Is you do not negotiate a gift.  You can not negotiate a gift. You can’t do that.  

(There is a long silence here) 

P. But here’s what I’m willing to do, with the gift, to try and help you.  So, are you happy just listening to this? Or do you want to write it down?

Me. No, I’ve got it on recording haven’t I so obviously you just, do what, whatever you are going to say. 
(P. INTERRUPTS) 

P. (louder voice) You have, you have a need for £28,500 pounds, to pay off, to redeem the mortgage on Aiskell Street.  (another long gap) 

P. You want that paid off, so that you’ve got some income to live on, because if I’m even if I continue to pay the bills here you still need money…. Right.  

(Long silence)

P. So here’s what I propose to do… (long gap) 
I propose we set a deadline of the 15th of January
(He means he has just set a deadline without asking me.) 

That gives you just over four months, four months, not one month, not three months, four months.   Right.  (I’m in shock again, what does he think I am going to do in four months?) 

P. And by the 15th of January I want this over with…  

(another long silence)
(Me. Thinking okay you want this over with, I want this over with, a little voice in my head saying, I’ll just kill myself then should I?) 

P.  One way or another this is going to be over with.   Right. So I’ve explained what I’m gonna do,  and then I’ll explain what the various options are.  And then I just want to check that you’ve understood.

Me. Well I’ve got it recording.  

 (You see, here he is again with this “check for understanding” thing which has been repeated by him in verbal and written communications many times)

P.  Okay   So   

Me. So obviously, it will be understood.  

P. Okay, right so…  
(in a louder voice) If we agree (me thinking, we agree?)  that this is what you’re going to do, and you agree to erm behave as I’ve requested.  

Me: What’s the “behave as you request?”  

(Raises voice) 
P. That you don’t do STUPID stunts like this thing you did with GoFundMe.
That you take care of the house 
That you don’t get in the way of selling it 
That you behave decently and treat the house with respect and treat me with respect.  
I am trying very hard to treat you with respect, I still need to get what I need. 

 (Me thinking, is he treating me with respect?) 

Me: €115k 

P. This isn’t easy for me Loren because I put other people first all of my life, and now I’m putting me first.  
(Me thinking, this isn’t easy for me either) 

And unfortunately, you’re a bit of collateral damage on that…  
But I’m trying to make it as easy as I can.  
So this is what I’m suggesting we do. Right.
(Actually, not we, what he does, I’m listening but not getting any opportunity to say anything)  

I will put £500 a month into your Barclays account as if you are getting income from Aiskell St. and I’ll do that for four months. This is the same four months deadline of the 15th of January you will have four £500 payments, so for those four months you will have £500 per month coming in, that’s the 1st point.   

(No mention of when he will start to pay that money or when the £28,500 will be paid off)

P. 2nd point  Add that to the other money you need in cash, I’m working in Pounds and Euros here, you need £28,500 in cash.  Plus the £2,000 if I let you have that in £500 instalments so that in four month’s time that will amount to £30,500… Got that. 

Me: Yeah 

P. Where the (£35,500/ £30,500) is from, it’s £28,500 plus £2,000 that comes to £30,500 for the sake of argument let’s call that €33,000  We take €33,000 away from €115k and what’s left is €82,000
So… to recap – I’m offering you £500 per month into your bank account for four months plus £28,500 to redeem a mortgage on Aiskell St. plus €82,000 
Now… here’s the various permutations we’ve got on this.   

The first one is I’m still willing to sell it to you, for €115k and that will still be my first choice because it gives you what you want. If you can’t raise that money in four months you are never going to raise it. You might have to work at it, but it’s possible, if you can’t do it in 2-3 months you ain’t gonna do it if you gonna work at it seriously, if you can’t prove you can do it, if you can’t find a way of sourcing that money you’re not going to be able to. 

(I just want more time, I don’t want any further contact with Phillip, I prefer to remain here so I can recover my emotional, psychological and physical well-being) 

P. Here’s what is going to happen. I’m not taking the house off the market if people want to come and look at it, I expect you to come and look at it. I don’t expect
you to tell them about the 15th of January or anything else.  If somebody offers more than the asking price, then I will sit down with you we will review your situation. 
And by review your situation, how are you getting on towards raising the money, are you likely to raise it or not likely to raise it. 
If I get a chance of more than the asking price and you aren’t gonna meet the 15th January deadline with the money to buy it, then we might be better to take the money and go.  But I’m not just going to do that without discussing that with you. I’m not going to snatch this thing away from you. I’m going to give you.
 I’m going to give you every opportunity to try and raise the money, but I’m not going to let that prevent me from selling this house.  

So …. I need to know that you are serious about raising the money and I need to know how you are doing.  I don’t care how you raise it but I need to know how it is doing because I’m not, not putting this past the 15th of January because if you don’t buy it on the 15th of January, if the place isn’t sold by the 15th of January, I am moving back in on the 16th of January. You’ve got four months in this house and if you haven’t bought it and if it isn’t sold I’m moving back in. 

 And you are out on the 15th of January at the latest and I will gift you that money when you leave…  

(Thinking, how do I leave and where do I go? If I have no money, could I actually trust him to pay the money if I have already left the property?) 

So… you have four months to sort yourself out either the money to buy this place or do something else.   

You could take that money (louder voice)  Loren you could pay yourself errr   a £1,000 per month for the next nine years out of that money without getting any interest off it, you could live off it for the next nine years without doing anything.  You can do whatever you want to.  

(Me: Thinking. When and how do I receive this money? €82,000, if the property is not sold and he intends to move back in on January 16th?)

P. But that’s what I want. I need to be finished with this.  No more financial commitments, no entanglement at all, 15th of January absolute latest – four months. 

Me.  (Long sigh)  

P. And if it’s not sold I’m moving back in until it is sold. I am not giving up on living in Spain and if I can’t sell this and buy somewhere else then I’ll stay here… 
I didn’t want to,  (long silence)  but at least I’ll be here to sell it.  (silence)  
If you haven’t managed to.  
Questions? 

 Me: You’ve made yourself very clear.  

(long silence)     

Me. Why the 15th of January?  

P. To give you four months 

Me: Why four months? 

P. Because I think four months is enough I think three  months might be difficult because of Christmas coming in the middle of it, so I give you an extra month. 

Me. Why the 15th exactly, why not the end of January?  

P. Because (angry raised voice) You can’t negotiate with me Loren. I’ve just told you why it’s my choice (violently bangs his hand on the glass coffee table) 

(13 mins into the meeting, he completely loses it and has an angry raging outburst) 

I’ll make it the 15th of fucking November if I want to…  Don’t fuck about with me, I’ve told you four months, I’ve told you the 15th of January, 
You asked me why I said because of Christmas, do not push your luck, do you understand me. 

Me: Perfectly..  (In a very quiet voice, feeling intimidated fearful and a bit shell shocked, sick to the pit of my stomach again, how does he do that, how does he make me feel this way?)

P.  Good.  
Don’t take the piss out of me, you’ve had one strike already and you were that far away to have your fucking suitcase thrown out of the fucking door..
So.  Just be careful how you tread, like I’ve said to you this afternoon, your future security depends on having me on your side so don’t alienate me and I’ve told you already, you can’t negotiate a gift.  

So –  I’m telling you how it’s going to be and you have various options open to you. 
Help me to sell this place, buy it yourself, or just sit here until the 15th of January and fuck off. 
Or any permutation of those three.   

P. (Raised voice) But I am not letting you stay here indefinitely and I don’t intend to kick you out this side of Christmas.  
So  – the 15th of January is good enough, that’s four months, that’s four months.  

Me. Okay 

P. More notice than you’ve ever given anyone! 

Me. What do you mean by that?  

P. It’s more notice than you’ve ever given anybody! 

Me. What do you mean by that? 

P. You’ve never given anybody four months’ notice to quit.  

Me. Do you mean in my property business? 

P. Yes  (softly) 

(Louder voice) 
P.  I’m just saying you’ve got four months  

(Louder voice) 
P. And in that time, I don’t expect you to pay the bills here, I will continue to pay all the bills here… this continues to be my house.  I will continue to be responsible for it, paying insurance, the electric and everything else and  I will gift a stipend of £500 a month so you’ve got your own money so you don’t have to cash in …. the mortgage to get the money…

(All I need is TIME, my needs and wants in this are being ignored, I have no say in this, I have to accept his “kind and generous offer” and fuck off by the 15th of January, I don’t know how and I don’t know where? Or even if I have the strength to do anything on my own because I feel that I have been pushed into a corner, disrespected, devalued, and discarded.

My mental health and physical health are now suffering, and it is important that I recover and become an independent woman again. Phillip does not seem to care or have any empathy whatsoever for how I might be feeling right now. He will not listen, he has never listened to any of my suggestions over the years, that is why he is where he is right now, repeating the same mistakes of his past.  Betraying a woman he has used, (never loved me apparently) then discards her by offering a “very kind and generous offer”, leaving her alone to pick up the pieces of a shattered life, while he strolls off into the sunset with his new girlfriend his reputation intact, his sense of dignity and sense of self-importance all intact, while the ex woman in his life is “collateral damage, unfortunately,”

I confided in an old female friend of the Hollby family, and even she is shocked by his behaviour, but she can see that Phillip’s life is littered with women who he has “betrayed and abandoned” her words.) 

P.  You’ve got something to live on… and four months to sort yourself out.  

 (There is a very long silence) 

P. I think it’s a kind and generous offer.  
I think it’s a very reasonable offer. 
Everybody I’ve spoken to has told me it’s an extremely generous offer.   

(Another long silence) 
P. But I can’t make you decide what to do with it. 

Me: This is true,  you can’t really make me do, take, whatever, your offer.  
(By this point I am unable to string a sentence together, I can’t think straight)

P. No I can’t 

Me: and say thank you very much or whatever…  

P. You can do what you want..  

Me. This is true 

(Another long silence) 

Me: Is that all you’ve got to say now? Have you got anything else that you want to say?  
(yet another long silence) 
P. No, I needed you to understand what I want and need. 

Me. You want €115k and you are giving me the first opportunity to buy that if I raise the money in four  months, within four months.  

P. Yes 

Me: And I’ve still got the first option of buying this house for €115k 

P. Yes,  But, if someone else in the meantime offers more than the asking price before I turn them down we will have a serious conversation about your probability of making it…  
Cos if we’re 3 months in and you’ve made no progress well then we can fucking forget it, can’t we. I am not turning down an offer over the asking price.   
If somebody comes in and makes me a silly offer I’m just going to say no.  
And I’m perfectly prepared to move back in on the 15th  of January, 16th of January. 

Me: Okay, So you’ve got a flight booked on 28th 

P. Yes 

Me: What do you intend to do between the 28th and the 15th?

P. Well, that’s none of your business. 

Me: No, I meant. Do you intend to come back here (interrupts)
P. I will come
Me. and stay here.  

P. No I will come back here if I need to come back here.  

Me: Okay 

P: My intention is to stay out of the way and let you get on with it. 

Me: Okay 

P. I have to put the house in York on the market-  

Me: You did explain that. 

P. That’s my first task…. 
(interrupts)
Me: and that is 

P. And I have a lot of work to catch up with I’ve got a lot of work to catch up with. I have lots to keep me busy I have no need to come back here. 

Me: Okay 

P. Unless I need to come back here,  
(silence) 

P. I want this to stay amicable Loren. That’s what I said from the start. And I have tried 

Me: Tried what? 

P. I have tried my best to be respectful and to treat you with respect and amicably, I have done my best …  and I don’t think I deserved what you did.  I think that was extremely ill-thought through…

(REF: Go FundMe page that I put together in the middle of the night on the 2nd of September just a few days after Phillip had ended our relationship, my idea that I had, was to run a retreat. ) 

P. And you still don’t seem to understand why it’s upset me. You looked at it and said it’s made you look a bit pathetic..  Ah, it’s worse than that. It’s worse than that (low voice) 

Me: (Sharp intake of breath) Well, obviously,  my first thoughts were how? And that was the erm the idea that I came up with. 

P. Yeah 

Me: And I’ve tried three times, three times over because the first time I put the page live was the 2nd of September,  but I never did anything with it, nothing was public,  it was all just between a couple of friends, for feedback.  And obviously, nobody fed back anything really,  and so,  
I looked at it and looked at, and read it, and read it and thought Nah, Nah! 

(He Interrupts) 

PH: Well the punctuation is shit and the spelling is shit but worse than that, it’s disgusting, saying stuff like that it’s disgusting how would you feel if I’d said something about you like that if I slurred you…   (raised voice) Damn it! you know I, I didn’t, I haven’t touched anything on Facebook, I didn’t touch the relationship with you or anything until you were ready to change it.  I’ve tried to treat you gently,  
(louder voice) and here you are calling me a cunt all over the fucking internet.  

Me: I don’t think the words were cunt. 

P. No they weren’t, but you might just as well be  
(raised voice) But actually what it does is, it shows you up for the loser that you are,  that’s what that does. That shows you up for the loser you are… (Even louder voice) 

P:  Quite apart from the fact that you’re auctioning my fucking house on the internet without my fucking permission.   Don’t worry I’ve checked very carefully with GoFundMe and I could, arguably, I could get you banned for what you have done, I’ve had a little look at it’s not straight out and out fraud but I could still get you banned and I haven’t done..  

Me: No but it’s not fraud because you gave me a financial settlement and then you actually did sort of verbally agree if I could get €115k that…  

P. (Interrupts)  I never said you could advertise my house as a fucking spiritual retreat on the bloody  internet and say a load of crap about my infidelity… and ripping your life to bits. It’s appalling, it’s disgusting, and if you do anything like it again, I’ll be back to thinking should I give you 24 hours or 48.…  Don’t think for a moment that I’m going to be a “pink fluffy dom” (This was a term of endearment I used in the early days of our relationship) if I make up my mind about that.  Because it will happen quickly and it won’t be pleasant.    (more silence) 
And I’m not making an idle threat, I’m informing you of what will happen if you pull another stunt like that. And you better think through very carefully how I might react to things.  You better think that through. 

Me: Well obviously, I was in a situation that I was probably still hurting myself.

P. (interrupts) Yeah! 

Me. And obviously some of the things.  I’ve done and some of the things I’ve written down is basically everything that is coming out and even though no person has come back to me and said, whatever about it,  really are you, you know…  

(PHILLIP’s 2nd Angry Outburst) 
P. I don’t give a flying fuck what Jaquie or anyone else thinks, .. for fucks sake.   I don’t give a fuck. 

Me: Nobody    

Phillip interrupts, in a loud angry voice.
P. They’re not going to give you feedback and say actually you look like a fucking bleeding heart,  
postmenopausal, sad old bitch who’s just been fucking dumped on her own again.  
It doesn’t look great, it doesn’t look like a very good advert for a spiritual fucking retreat… 
No, they are not going to tell you that, are they? They are not going to tell you that. 
They are not going to tell you how pathetic it looks. They’re not going to tell you how it, how it, how it, might offend me.  Why would they?   
Nah…  No, I think, I think you’ve seriously underestimated just what a bad thing you’ve done there.
(More silence)    
But, like I said I’ll put it down to you being  

Me: Being what? (Quiet voice) 

P. Having bad judgement. 

Me: Bad judgement? 

P. Yes 

Me: (Very quiet)Yeah, you could probably say that again…  (Me thinking, my bad judgement staying in this relationship 11 years, believing he cared for me believing he loved me.) 

P. (Takes a breath in, speaking in a loud voice) Well if you want to play bad judgement games, Loren. 
Yes.. the whole fucking things been one big bad judgement right from the very beginning but the thing is…     I’m the one paying the price for it now financially, not you. (quiet voice) 
You’ve had a nice easy ride. You might not think that you’ve had an easy ride, but you’ve had an easy ride living out here in all of this, making it your fucking dream.  
And I’m the one that’s been fucking working for it. 
I’m the one that’s been tearing my arse up and down the fucking motorways.   I’m the one that’s been driving myself into the ground to raise the money to pay for all of this and to keep you out here.
And now, guess what? 
I’m back doing it again.  I need to get this next job done, cos that’s gonna be the bulk of the money towards (shouting, raised voice) YOUR mortgage.  

ME:(Thinking, I never asked for any of this, Phillip never listened to any of my suggestions of how he might retire earlier so that we could be together supporting each other, so that he could take it easy.
My suggestion of renting out his property in the UK fell on deaf ears, he would not have had two properties to pay expenses on, only one and a rental income would have given him the opportunity to slow down and not work so hard)  

(raised voice) 

P. Here’s me again (Me thinking repeating the same mistakes of your past)  dragging my sorry arse through airports and up and down the fucking motorways to raise money (getting louder)  to send YOU money every month (raised voice)  while you sit here on your arse thinking up fucking pipe dreams and telling the world what a cunt I am.  

Me thinking..

Yeah repeating the same mistakes of your past, betraying the woman you are with, starting a new relationship with a new woman, having disrespected, devalued, and now discarded your current woman, you are having to find the finances, working harder, in order to provide a financial settlement for the poor bereft, broken-hearted, woman you are leaving behind.

The money you started sending me every month was after your first confession of starting an affair in 2017, I never asked for that money, you put that money into my business account then asked me to provide you with tax invoices in order that you could file that money as business expenses. You sat me down in January 2018 and told me what you were going to do,” here’s what is going to happen”  so that you could continue to see the other woman in the UK, keep me here wholly dependent on you so that I could be here for you and look after you and look after the house and look after your precious cannabis plant

(Phillip raises his voice again) 
P.  You have no moral high ground at all Loren, because we haven’t talked about why our relationship failed and it’s not all down to me. It’s not all down to me and we don’t need to talk about it cos it’s over.  

(Red flag – No closure) But I want all those financial  ties cut.  Clear.  
Do you understand? (quiet voice) 
There’s no use just looking at me with your angry face, (nervous laughter from me)  I want to know that you understand? 

Me: That’s not an angry face (nervous laughter)  

P. Well then do you understand me? (being reasonable and quiet again) 

Me: It’s quite clear making  (Interrupts)
P. Right Well  

Me. You’re making yourself perfectly clear.  (Interrupts) 

P.. Right well. Well then, if you want to think about it, go away and think about it, because I’ll be back 
Are we finished talking?

 Me: Yes, as long as you don’t start talking again.  Are you leaving now? 

P. Well, I think I might as well get back.

(When he says “if you want to think about it, go away and think about it” I had already thought about it, this was the meeting where we were meant to talk or discuss things and reach some agreement, only obviously he did not want to actually discuss any of the financial proposal I had written. He is offering money but when I had asked him to help pay off my mortgage before leaving he said he didn’t have the money. But somehow if I had decided to leave first he would have the money.)