Surviving the “Wednesday Girl” Confession & Betrayal Trauma.
December 26th marks the eighth anniversary of a day that shattered my world and irrevocably changed the course of my life. The raw, poignant energy of that specific December is perfectly captured by Arlissa’s song, “Hearts Ain’t Gonna Lie.” It serves as the soundtrack to a memory that still echoes, a moment when the truth, in its most brutal form, refused to be silenced any longer. This is a reflection on that day, the aftermath, and the clarity that only time and survival can provide.
A Post-Christmas Confession
The Calm Before the Storm
It was December 26th, 2017, the day after Christmas. My partner of nearly nine years, PH, and I were sitting on the sofa in the late afternoon. We were in our Spanish villa, the house that was meant to be our shared retirement home, surrounded by the citrus and olive orchard we planned to cultivate together. For years, I had felt safe and secure with him, believing he was my friend, lover, and soul mate. The air was still, filled with the quiet lull that follows holiday festivities, a deceptive calm before the storm that was about to break.
“I’ve Got Something to Tell You”
He turned to me and said, “I have got something to tell you.” He then casually began to speak about his “Wednesday girl,” a woman named Katrina from Sheffield he had reconnected with in November. He was saying, remember when I used to talk about my “Wednesdat Girl” in the early days of our relationship back in 2009. Hearing it again, my initial reaction was to laugh. I didn’t remember anything about any “Wednesday Girl”. I thought it had to be some kind of joke.
It wasn’t
A World Torn Apart in an Instant
A Scream Without Tears
The joke didn’t land because it wasn’t a joke. And in the silence that followed, as the truth took root in my mind, the air in my lungs turned to poison. I stood up from the sofa, walked into the middle of the lounge, and let out a scream so loud and so long I was sure it could be heard in the next village. I was in such a profound state of shock that I didn’t even cry. The scream was a purely physical expulsion of pain, so forceful that it physically damaged my throat. It was the sound of a life breaking apart.
The Death of a Dream
In that single moment, my entire world felt as though it had been shattered into a million irreparable pieces. The future I believed we were building, the “Spanish retirement dream,” with its scent of citrus and promise of peace, was instantly exposed as a lie. Everything I thought was real was gone, replaced by the cold, stark reality of a profound and long-standing betrayal.
Deceit and Control
The Cruel Paradox of the “Wednesday Girl”
The psychological cruelty of the “Wednesday Girl” nickname was that this was not a new affair. It was a betrayal rooted in the very beginning of our relationship, a secret he had carried for nearly nine years. Only in 2017 didn‘t I know that. He even lied in his confession. The deceit was not a recent crack in our foundation; it was embedded in the foundation itself. In a later email, he would describe his calculated deception with chilling clarity: “You and Katrina live in two separate worlds. I move between them.”
A Laboratory of Grief
His cruelty, I would soon learn, had a clinical detachment that was almost impossible to comprehend. In the days following my breakdown, he informed me that he had been observing me, watching me go through the “Bereavement Cycle” as if I were some kind of psychological experiment. He even got out a presentation to show me the stages a person goes through. To be educated on the grieving process by the very man who was the cause of my grief was an act of profound and sadistic control.
“This Is What Is Going to Happen”
In early January 2018, he sat me down to declare, “Here’s what is going to happen.” He began paying money into my business account—not out of kindness, but as a tool for control. He even had me issue tax invoices so he could claim the payments as business expenses, reducing my pain to a line item on his balance sheet. This financial leash was later used as a weapon to humiliate me. During one phone conversation, he goaded me, saying, “you were a strong, powerful, independent woman till I came along, and made you into what you are now.” When I failed to respond with gratitude, he screamed, “I’m throwing nearly £700 a month at you… don’t fucking bite the hand that’s fucking feeding you.” The message was clear: I was to be dependent, grateful, and silent.
The Abuser’s Logic
“Busting My Balls” and “Collateral Damage”
His justifications for his behaviour revealed a complete lack of empathy and a deeply self-serving narrative. He claimed that he “deserved to have another woman in his life because he was ‘busting his balls’ working in the UK.” He saw his infidelity not as a betrayal, but as a right he had earned.
In this worldview, my pain was an afterthought, an inconvenience. He described me in a recorded conversation with a chilling phrase that exposed the depth of his detachment: I was just “a bit of collateral damage.”
The Physical Toll of Betrayal
The trauma of the confession and its aftermath manifested in a new and terrifying way. In January 2018, for the first time in my life, I began to suffer from debilitating panic attacks. My body was keeping a score, my mind was still struggling to comprehend. This was more than just shock; it was the onset of a complete shattering of reality. The profound cognitive dissonance of loving the person who was the source of my agony, combined with the slow, insidious erosion of my identity over the years, had finally taken its physical toll.
Eight Years On: A Survivor’s Clarity
Naming the Abuse for What It Is
With the clarity that eight years provides, I can now look back and name his actions for what they were. The infidelity, the calculated deceit, the financial control, and the cruel justifications were not just the actions of a man who made a mistake. They were a pattern of behaviour that constituted emotional and psychological abuse. This is the insidious kind of harm that can be hard to identify while you are in it, comprised of “minor aggressions that are likened to death by a thousand paper cuts.” It was also a deliberate act of sabotage. I had invested in myself to learn digital marketing, and I wanted to earn independently again. After all, I had been in business for myself from 2005 to 2016, but now I was not functioning; I was confused. I questioned myself, should I stay or should I go?
Forgiveness as an Act of Self-Liberation
The journey of healing required me to understand the true nature of forgiveness. As Nelson Mandela so wisely said, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” For years, I learned about practices for self-development and personal growth. Forgiveness, I realised, was not about absolving him or condoning his actions. It was an act of self-liberation, the act of surviving the toxic tie to the abuser and refusing to let his poison kill my spirit. He ended what I considered an affair in July 2018. I hoped that our relationship could recover.
2020 Promise of Commitment
The “Wednesday Girl” confession was the beginning of a long and harrowing period of trauma, a descent into a nightmare. Just as he made his promise of commitment in 2020, he moved our belongings from the UK to Spain. His discard was the start of legal battles and emotional devastation. But today, eight years later, I see that day differently. It was the painful, brutal, and necessary catalyst that forced me onto a new path.
That shattering was not the end of my story. It was the beginning of a mission of discovery I would forge for myself. Rebuilding from the rubble on my own, and to write the words that might help and support someone else trapped in a manipulationship. For anyone who has experienced their own world breaking, know this: turning your pain into your purpose is the ultimate act of survival and the most powerful form of reclamation.
Five-Year Cross-Border Legal Battle
Human Rights Violations
As the end of 2025 comes to a close, I am not safe or secure. I have lost nearly everything I worked for while I was in business for myself for eleven years. Since 2023, I filed a complaint for human rights violations against Spain due to systemic failures. The women’s court failed to protect me against the perpetrator. This allowed him to continue his abuse using the legal process as his weapon. I knew it was a malicious litigation. It was DARVO and SLAPP. Deny the abuse. Attack the victim. Reverse Victim and Offender. His claims of criminal defamation in Spain were strategic litigation against public participation.
Silenced in a Civil Court Verbal Hearing
I tried to explain to the public-appointed lawyer that his actions were malicious, but she did not listen; worse, she also used discrimination on grounds of language and socioeconomic status to deny me the opportunity to speak in a civil verbal hearing. There were no questions asked, no interrogation of the plaintiff; I was unable to reveal the truth in the court; key pieces of evidence were not put before the Judge. And by 2024, I discovered something else. The Judge who dismissed the gender violence complaint in January 2021 as “one minor verbal abuse” was the same Judge who ruled on the eviction proceedings in June 2022.
But at least I avoided being sent to prison for writing my story and revealing the truth about post-separation abuse. The truth is not defamation; revealing what really happened behind closed doors was another thing that made him angry. Systemic failures became obvious as I lived them. Solicitors, Guardia, Social services, and Judges were all part of the bias, discrimination, and misogynistic attitudes.
Abuse doesn’t discriminate — it can happen to anyone.
If you’ve ever been there, know this:
You are not weak for staying.
You are not foolish for loving.
You are human — and you deserve safety, respect, and peace.
You can order a copy of my book here and follow my other channels.
Help us lay the foundation for healing. Donate $25 today to cover our essential startup costs so 100% of my book royalties can go directly into supporting women’s transformation.
Download my Rights Of Women Guide
