So today, my thoughts were:- Failures in the Justice System.
Legal intimidation and litigation abuses post-separation.
The unlevel playing field and power imbalances.
Are these power imbalances an indication of something more sinister going on?
A high-conflict personality will rather litigate divorce and separation than come to the table to discuss things in a civilised adult manner. They will hide behind the legal process and have the lawyer do all the work, abuse by proxy. The high-conflict personality will have deep pockets they don’t mind spending on legal fees as they want to win at all costs. They lack empathy, have zero morals, and refuse to accept any responsibility for the abuse and psychological damage they are causing. If you do happen to engage them in mediation if the mediator is not knowledgeable about “coercive control” or “narcissistic abuse” then they will manipulate the mediator and will move the goalposts on the offers made before you can even sign an agreement they will have changed their mind again and gone one step backwards. It is so frustrating for everyone.
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It is not just another high-conflict divorce or separation. There are people who can ruin your life. They will destroy your reputation, your self-esteem or your career. High-conflict personalities will think nothing of leaving you emotionally and financially devastated.
Here is an article from May 15, 2023 Not another high conflict divorce or separation.
Barriers to legal representation
In many cases, the victim has little or no income and no financial resources to fall back on. That means applying for legal aid, or finding a lawyer to do pro bono work, or even doing it yourself (pro se) like Tina Swithin of One Moms Battle.
When I was looking for legal advice and representation most of the solicitors I managed to get a free consultation with did not know how to advise me. Spanish and UK legal advisers seemed unable to separate the “abuse situation” from the “property issues.” The ex-person did not just want his house back. It was more ego-driven than that. I believe I caused an ego injury. Or what I have heard called a “narcissistic injury.”
Obtaining Free public-appointed representation in Spain.
1. I was provided a free lawyer in two criminal hearings in the Women’s Gender Violence Court. 2020 and 2021 for a case brought against the former partner. This free lawyer turned up to the court on the day of the hearing thirty minutes before the appointment each time, he didn’t ask any further questions, didn’t ask for any evidence there was not even a psychologist report. He had me sign all his paperwork and took the case forward based on the statement written by the guardia with no legal representative at the time of providing my statement, which is advisable and I had requested but didn’t manage to obtain.
When the case was dismissed, I was informed via a text message in March 2021. I sought the advice of the original Solicitor who said I should appeal the dismissal of the case. I asked the free lawyer about an appeal. The lawyer texts back “My job is done, you need to find another lawyer.” True or not, it did not help me.
2. Another free lawyer for my legal representation in the “Precarious” Eviction Verbal Hearing in the civil court 2022, brought against me by my former partner, who had initially promised to share the property 50/50. The lawyer was appointed via ICA Ilustre Colegio de Abogados Cartagena after I had to complete an application. It didn’t go well from the very first meeting in March. Definitely not “trauma-informed”. Her statements were triggering, to say the least.
Here is what I remember.
Go back to the UK, go back to your family.
He just wants his house back.
The Judge will order your eviction.
A criminal case with seven allegations.
3. The third appointment of a free lawyer in October 2022, this time for my defence in a criminal case with seven allegations brought again by the former partner. His “expensive” Barcelona lawyer had requested maximum penalties that added cumulatively to seventeen years of prison. The lawyer sent me a text message so I could have his name. Again, he doesn’t speak English, so there was immediate communication difficulty. Next, I looked up the qualifications of the legal advisor, and I discovered that he has a doctorate in “civil law”. I wrote a text to ask him how many criminal cases with a requested prison of seventeen years he has defended. He didn’t answer. I inform the prosecution that I would not get a fair hearing and sack that free lawyer. Luckily, I was informed that the first hearing due in November 2022 was suspended, and I could continue searching for legal representation using cash from the sale of my UK property to fund the fees. After contacting ten or more local firms, I widened the search and found two companies willing to give me a consultation. One asks for a fee just to do a Zoom meeting, and I reject that one. The other can do a free consultation, and I accept the fee proposal of a criminal lawyer from Madrid.
4. After sacking the lawyer in the civil verbal hearing effective October 2023, another publicly appointed lawyer was put in place in November 2023. (It seems like it was a formality) She sent me an email in December to inform me that the date of the “launch”, another word for eviction, will take place in March 2024.
5. I had been advised to file a coercion complaint in June 2023, and the criminal lawyer sent me a separate invoice to represent me in the women’s court. ( I don’t know why I paid for this, as I didn’t need to; I should have had another free, publicly appointed lawyer.) After making another complaint with the Guardia Civil in November 2023, after my frustration in the Women’s Court in September 2023 due to some of my evidence not being submitted by the paid attorney who was appointed to file the evidence via my paid criminal lawyer acting in my defence in the seven Criminal Allegations against me.
So, the complaint I filed in November was due to false allegations against me by the former partner. Only the Guardia somehow misinterpreted some of what I told them. I believe this happens a lot, as it happened in the first complaint I filed. I had to go back and file an additional written statement to ensure the facts were presented correctly. Then, the wait. Five months later, I am given a date to appear in the women’s court again to provide my testimony. This was where I was appointed another free lawyer; he appeared five minutes before the hearing started. He knew nothing about me, the past cases in the courts, or the previous advice I had been given.
The lawyer tally so far.
Men – two in the Women’s Court of gender violence. One in the criminal defamation case, who was sacked before the first hearing.
Women – two appointed to the precarious eviction civil case. One which I sacked.
Five different free public-appointed legal representatives, four court cases.
Plus, I paid for two mediation attempts, one with a UK solicitor—and another with a mediation company. I paid for three different Spanish solicitors for advice and assistance. I paid one criminal law firm in Madrid to represent me in two cases, one where I paid for an attorney to submit evidence on my behalf. It’s not over yet.
Who knew?
Who made the appointments? Was it the court prosecutor or the ICA Ilustre Colegio of Abogados de Cartagena?
There is no continuation of service. For each new case, each litigation means another solicitor and another legal representative. This makes it extremely difficult for the individual if there is a continuation of abuse through the Justice system. How can the victim obtain the correct advice if the legal representation is not aware of the history of litigations? Also, in the case of the lawyer in the eviction case, even when I informed her of the previous gender violence hearings in the women’s court, she dismissed it as irrelevant as that was a criminal court case; there is no way to join up the processes if each case is looked at on an individual basis?
The only person who will have consistency through the litigation is the person who can afford to pay for legal representation. That lawyer will know all of the facts. Only the lawyer the former partner had appointed in the precarious eviction was not the same lawyer as the one that stood “power of attorney” in the first Women’s Court hearing. The former partner changed his legal advisor in 2021 and appointed what he called a “specialist” lawyer who knows about these types of eviction. Really! A lawyer who has been manipulated with false statements about how I was asked to leave. A lawyer who did not know that I had been given a financial proposal and that I had a signed agreement from 2021. I doubt that he was told the full facts of what had happened.
No 1 in Self-Help For Abuse. October 2024
Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type Of Man?
Available on Amazon UK:
Or Amazon US :
Podcast Episode.
Obstacles survivors of post-separation abuse face when navigating the legal system.
My recommended reading
Invisible Bruises: How a Better Understanding of the Patterns of Domestic Violence Can Help Survivors Navigate the Legal Systems. Amazon Link
IT’S NOT “HIGH CONFLICT” IT’S POST-SEPARATION ABUSE: When Abusers Weaponize the Courts as a Form of Retaliation Amazon Link
Here are some of the systemic obstacles survivors of post-separation abuse face when navigating the legal system.
● The legal system unintentionally perpetuates the cycle of domestic violence. The courtroom can become another tool for abusers to continue their abuse.
● Judges often do not understand post-separation abuse and express disbelief when survivors describe it. They may be frustrated by accusations of domestic violence and may not believe that someone can be cruel for no reason.
● The burden of proof falls on the survivor, who must provide evidence beyond a reasonable doubt. Survivors may be unable to remember specific details about their abuse due to trauma or cognitive decline, making it challenging to meet this standard of proof.
● The process of obtaining legal protection is often lengthy and complex. Survivors may need to make multiple court appearances, file extensive paperwork, and take time off work, all of which can be overwhelming and retraumatizing.
● Law enforcement may be dismissive of non-physical forms of abuse. Often, physical violence must occur before a protection order is granted.
● The word “narcissist” is overused in courtrooms, leading judges to dismiss claims of abuse. Attorneys advise their clients not to use this term as it can make the survivor appear vindictive.
The sources also suggest that survivors may struggle to find attorneys who understand post-separation abuse and take it seriously. They may be attracted to attorneys who make promises they cannot keep or who dismiss the severity of the abuse. It is crucial for survivors to choose attorneys who are knowledgeable about this type of abuse and who will advocate for their needs. Things are changing slowly, and now survivors can search Google for “legal help with narcissistic abuse”, and there will be legal firms returned in the search that show up on the first page of the search engine. Refine your search with the country you live in and see what results show up. You might need to go to pages 2, 3, or 4 to see if there are results in your country.
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