I asked AI to validate my experience of emotional abuse.
Here are the results. Including my take and experiences.
Prompt 1: Describe how a woman might feel when she is betrayed by a partner after a long-term relationship is terminated abruptly. When he confesses for the second time that he is cheating. Still, worse he is now in love with another woman.
Reply:
Experiencing betrayal in such an extreme way can be incredibly devastating for a woman. Initially, she might feel shock and disbelief, especially if she had no idea of her partner’s infidelity. As the reality sinks in, she may start to experience a range of intense emotions, including:
**Heartbreak**
The sudden termination of a long-term relationship alongside the revelation of betrayal can shatter her heart. She might feel like her world has been turned upside down. Mourning the loss of the relationship and the broken trust.
**Betrayal**
Discovering that her partner has not only cheated but has developed feelings for someone else can magnify the sense of betrayal. It’s not just about the act of infidelity but also the emotional investment he made in another person.
**Anger**
As the shock wears off, she might feel an escalation of anger towards her partner for deceiving her and for the pain he has caused. This anger could also extend to the other woman involved. She may perceive her as a threat or feel resentment towards her for intruding on her relationship.
**Humiliation**
There can be a deep sense of humiliation and embarrassment associated with being cheated on. More so, if there were signs she missed or if others were aware of the infidelity before she was.
**Self-doubt**
Betrayal can shake a person’s confidence and lead to questioning one’s worth and attractiveness. She might wonder if she could have done anything differently to prevent the betrayal. She may reflect on the past, to consider if there were signs she missed.
**Sadness and Grief**
Alongside the anger and hurt, there will likely be a deep sense of sadness and grief for the loss of the relationship. Also, the dreams she had for the future, and the person she thought her partner was.
**Fear and Uncertainty**
The sudden end of a long-term relationship can create a sense of fear and uncertainty about the future. She may worry about being alone, starting over, or trusting someone new in the future.
My Take
I would say that all of these are valid feelings. Some women might experience more anger for example and react in such a way as to lash out with physical or verbal abuse after a brutal immature termination of the relationship. I had the intuition to remain calm. I didn’t raise my voice in anger or react to how he ended things.
Prompt 2: Add on top of the sudden end of the relationship how the woman might react when he offers a financial settlement of 50% of the value of the property she is living in and then four days later her ex-partner yells at her. “Don’t fuck about with me, I’m in control, you do as I say, or I can throw you out onto the streets.”
Reply:
The addition of financial manipulation and emotional abuse on top of the betrayal can escalate the woman’s emotional turmoil and distress.
**Financial insecurity**
The threat of being thrown out onto the streets adds a layer of fear and uncertainty about her living situation and financial stability. This can intensify feelings of vulnerability and helplessness, especially if she relied on her ex-partner for financial support during the relationship.
**Powerlessness**
The ex-partner’s aggressive behaviour and assertion of control can leave her feeling powerless and intimidated. The sudden shift from a long-term relationship to being threatened with homelessness can be overwhelming and leave her feeling like she has no control over her own life.
**Emotional trauma**
The combination of betrayal, financial manipulation, and emotional abuse can compound the woman’s emotional trauma, leading to increased anxiety, depression, and feelings of worthlessness. She may struggle to trust others in the future and feel isolated in her experience.
Overall, the addition of financial manipulation and emotional abuse can intensify the woman’s emotional distress and make it even more difficult for her to heal and rebuild her life after the betrayal of her long-term relationship. She must prioritize her safety and well-being, seek support, and take steps to assert her agency and autonomy in the face of her ex-partner’s attempts to control her.
My Take
Here again, these are valid feelings and reactions. Seeking support is a great idea, however in practice, in my own experience, I discovered that support was lacking. Seeking help from the medical profession did get me an urgent appointment with the psychological services. Plus a prescription for tablets to help me sleep better. Only in 2020, I guess the services were a bit overwhelmed. The first urgent appointment was in February 2021, then when I turned up after waiting four months for this appointment with the Psychologist I was turned away. Why? I had no English-to-Spanish translator to help me.
Prompt 3: While she doesn’t fully understand the emotional abuse and manipulation. The woman requests to discuss the financial offer that he has written to her in a letter. He has been angry in the past and has used verbal aggression so she asks for the face-to-face meeting to be recorded. In that meeting her ex-partner shuts down her side of the discussion. In the first opening sentences he tells her “I don’t think you listened to what I need, or maybe I haven’t made it clear enough.”
Reply:
The woman’s request to record the face-to-face meeting demonstrates her awareness of the potential for manipulation and verbal aggression from her ex-partner. By taking this precaution, she’s attempting to protect herself and ensure that she has a record of the conversation in case she needs it in the future.
However, her ex-partner’s response during the meeting further highlights his controlling behaviour and disregard for her perspective. By immediately dismissing her attempts to discuss her concerns and asserting that she hasn’t listened or understood his needs, he’s forcibly shutting down any opportunity for open communication and negotiation.
This tactic is characteristic of emotional manipulation, as it undermines her confidence and agency. Thus, making her feel like her concerns are invalid or irrelevant. It also reinforces his sense of power and control in the relationship dynamic.
In this situation, it’s crucial for the woman to recognize the red flags of emotional abuse and manipulation and to prioritize her well-being. She may need to consider legal advice to ensure that her rights are protected. She may need legal representation in the negotiation process regarding the financial offer and any other aspects of the separation.
My Take
Seeking legal advice to protect your rights is a good idea. However, being told by a Spanish Abogado who is representing your now ex-partner that, “You have no rights here in Spain, it is not the same as the UK” can add to your trauma. To all women in cohabiting relationships. Please, be aware you will be looked at as a second-class citizen if you have not legally registered your relationship. You need to do this by either marriage or “pareja de hecho” a legal status that a couple can apply for. You become officially registered as living together in the records of the Town Hall or City Council.
Prompt 4: The ex-partner continues a one-sided verbal onslaught which makes her uncomfortable. He has rejected her proposal and has shut down her side of the discussion and then he tells her.
“You haven’t considered me and what I want. Because you know that’s not generally what you do. Now I’m telling you, what I want, I want it over and done with. If we can stay friends let’s stay friends, but I want it over and done with”. He then raises his voice to tell her, “It’s a terribly, terribly, terribly BAD idea, and it’s not going to happen”. He is referring to her ideas in her financial proposal that he is not willing to discuss.
Can this be considered emotional and psychological abuse of a former partner?
Reply:
Yes, the behaviour described in the scenario can indeed be considered emotional and psychological abuse of a former partner. Here’s why:
**Invalidation and Dismissal**
The ex-partner repeatedly dismisses the woman’s concerns and proposals, invalidating her perspective and refusing to engage in meaningful dialogue. By shutting down her side of the discussion and refusing to consider her ideas, he undermines her sense of worth and agency.
**Manipulation and Control**
The ex-partner attempts to manipulate the woman by framing her reluctance to agree with his demands as a character flaw, suggesting that she’s not accustomed to considering his needs. This manipulative tactic is aimed at making her feel guilty and compliant, reinforcing his control over the situation.
**Verbal Aggression**
Raising his voice and using language like “terribly, terribly, terribly BAD idea” constitutes verbal aggression, which can be deeply intimidating and emotionally damaging. This kind of behaviour is intended to instil fear and compliance in the woman, further asserting his power and control over her.
**Refusal to Compromise**
By refusing to entertain any discussion or negotiation regarding the financial proposal and insisting that he wants everything “over and done with,” the ex-partner demonstrates a lack of willingness to compromise or consider the woman’s needs and concerns. This refusal to engage in constructive dialogue maintains a dynamic of control and domination.
Overall, the ex-partner’s behaviour in the scenario reflects patterns of emotional manipulation, control, and verbal aggression. All of which are characteristic of emotional and psychological abuse in a former-partner relationship. The woman needs to recognize these red flags and prioritize her well-being. She needs to seek support and possibly set boundaries to protect herself from further harm.
My Take
When seeking legal advice do not be fobbed off by professionals who are unable to offer validation and or legal representation. I wish I had known more when I was first seeking legal advice. They are meant to be helping you. When a solicitor says, “It is very difficult to prove emotional and psychological abuse” it is a cop-out.
Prompt 4: Warning! Mentions Thoughts of Suicide.
The ex-partner continues his one-sided verbal onslaught. He makes his financial offer in a slightly different way. But then tells her, “The other bit you seem to not quite got here is, you.” And then raising his voice states, “Is you do not negotiate a gift. You can not negotiate a gift.”
Then he arbitrarily sets the deadline of four months. Saying “That gives you four months, not one month, not three months, four months. And by the 15th of January, I want this over with.” Obviously, she is now in shock.
She can hardly say anything and sits there very quietly listening. A voice inside is saying, you want it over with, I want this over with. I’ll just kill myself should I.
How can a woman get to these thoughts?
Reply:
The woman’s reaction to her ex-partner’s continued verbal onslaught and imposition of arbitrary deadlines reflects the overwhelming emotional impact of the situation. Here’s how she might have arrived at such distressing thoughts:
**Overwhelmed by Emotions**
The relentless verbal onslaught and manipulation from her ex-partner may overwhelm the woman emotionally, leaving her feeling trapped and hopeless. The constant pressure and intimidation tactics can create a sense of suffocation and despair. This makes it difficult for her to see a way out of the situation.
**Sense of Powerlessness**
The woman may feel utterly powerless in the face of her ex-partner’s aggressive behavior. Plus, his refusal to engage in meaningful dialogue. His insistence on unilateral decision-making and dismissal of her concerns make her feel like she has no control over her own life or future.
**Isolation and Helplessness**
The woman’s silence and apparent acceptance during the conversation suggest that she may feel isolated and unable to advocate for herself. The lack of support or validation from her ex-partner further reinforces her feelings of helplessness and isolation. This leads her to question whether there’s any hope for a resolution.
**Desperation for Relief**
The ex-partner’s insistence on a strict deadline and his disregard for the woman’s well-being may push her to a point of desperation for relief from the emotional turmoil she’s experiencing. The idea of ending her own life might arise as a way to escape the pain and pressure she’s facing, even if it’s just a fleeting thought driven by intense distress.
**Impact of Emotional Abuse**
The cumulative effects of emotional abuse, manipulation, and coercion from her ex-partner can deeply undermine the woman’s self-esteem and sense of worth. The constant belittling, intimidation, and imposition of his will erode her confidence and make her question her own value. This can potentially lead to thoughts of self-harm or suicide as a way to end her suffering.
In such a distressing situation, it’s crucial for the woman to reach out for support from trusted friends, family members, or mental health professionals who can provide guidance, validation, and resources to help her cope with the emotional turmoil and protect her well-being. Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse and understanding that she deserves to be treated with respect. And reclaiming her confidence and dignity is an essential step towards rebuilding her life in a healthier and more empowering way.
My Take
Women in these situations are usually already isolated from family and friends. The neighbours and community may initially be a support network. The reality is that many people do not understand the impact of this type of emotional and psychological abuse. The survivor will be triggered by those who can not comprehend the distressing situation. The victim blaming, the invalidation, the people who say, “just move on” or “go back to the UK”. The injustice and discrimination that a survivor encounters while trying to recover and rebuild her life while still being tormented by the lack of understanding by professionals in the Justice system, re-victimises and re-trumatises the survivor.
I self-published my story to raise awareness of these hidden forms of abuse.
“Post Separation Abuse, Betrayal & Abandonment, What Type Of Man?”
by Loren Keeling
Find it on Amazon and Digital ebook Stores