Relationships are supposed to build you up, be super supportive, and make you a better person.
So it can really, suck when you realize your relationship is dragging you down.
It can also really take you by surprise.
Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others’ physical and emotional needs.
When it comes to unhealthy relationships, if you’re being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support.
Or maybe it’s because your partner is jealous, or mean, or absent.
Or all of the above.
Unhealthy relationships can literally make you feel drained of energy. You can lose all sense of who you are. Your self-esteem can be eroded. An emotionally abusive relationship can be very damaging to your mental and also physical health and wellbeing.
– Verbal abuse: yelling at you, insulting you or swearing at you
– Rejection: Constantly rejecting your thoughts, ideas and opinions.
– Gaslighting: making you doubt your own feelings and thoughts, and even your sanity, by manipulating the truth.
Narcissistic abuse is often subtle.
When it happens in public, it might be so well disguised that others hear or see the same behaviours and fail to recognize them as abuse. You might not even fully understand what’s happening. You only know you feel confused, upset, or even guilty for your “mistakes.” Constant criticism, or sarcastic put-downs, then they tell you they are “only teasing”. You might be often saying “I’m sorry” always apologising to the person who is in fact abusing you.
What are the signs of a controlling person?
12 Signs of a Controlling Personality
- Blaming you.
- Constant criticism.
- Keeping score.
- Creating drama.
- Angry or aggressive outbursts
- Attempting to change you
- Bullying and abusive behaviours
- Ignoring boundaries.
Ways to rebuild your life
The best ways to rebuild your life after a narcissistic, emotionally abusive, or controlling relationship.
1. Knowledge is power: The more you know, the more you will come to understand yourself and how you’ve reacted to the abuse – but more importantly, the more you will learn that the narcissist or perpetrator is the problem, not you. Once you understand what is happening, you can get proactive about dealing with it.
2. Know your worth: Knowing your worth makes you less willing to compromise on things that matter. We have the right to be happy and when you genuinely believe you have a right to be happy, you will be. Try positive affirmations
3. Boundaries: The most important part of boundaries though is not simply setting them, but following through on them; a narcissist will often cross your boundaries simply to prove that they can.
4. Support networks: To get back to the person you once were, you need a support network. Family and friends often see us in the best light when all we can see is the bad stuff and they see strengths that we are unable to accept in the midst of all our trauma; look at your strengths and reveal them. Do not dim your light for anyone.
Celebrate who you are and stop allowing your self-confidence and beliefs to be eroded by a person who only cares about their own selfish needs.
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