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Change Your Thinking And It Will Change Your Life

forgiving a cheater
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A man cheating repeatedly does not value “commitment”. They tend to have a life littered with women the have discarded or abandoned.

A mature person would feel guilt and shame. They would stop themselves from continuing or going forward with any mistake they made in cheating on their wife or partner.

But some men who possibly have narcissistic traits, are not grown up or emotionally mature. They don’t feel that guilt and shame they don’t value commitment, honesty and integrity. They will do whatever they want to get narcissistic supply.

Your feelings, your heart, your emotions are never taken into consideration.  So if they end the relationship abruptly then that alone causes you, maximum emotional damage and maximum hurt. Quite often, a person who has long term affairs, who repeatedly cheats is someone who could possibly have “narcissistic disorder”

It takes a special type of person to not feel empathy, or guilt or any shame. How they still play that character of a loving boyfriend or husband or partner.  That’s not a normal healthy person what so ever.  It is someone who does not value honesty, commitment and integrity.

Healthy people do not destroy the person they have been in a relationship with. Healthy people do not jump from one relationship to the next. They take responsibility in the relationship for what is going wrong, they could then communicate in a responsible way.

Destroying the emotional wellbeing

If you are a person that has recently been abandoned or discarded abruptly, then you should not obsess about the smoke and mirrors.  Nine times out of ten your husband or partner will declare that they have just found the love of their life.  In this case they are probably narcissistic on some level. When somebody does something wrong and they don’t want to feel the guilt or shame of what they did, then they will do whatever they can to “deflect” that feeling from themselves.  They will try and push or project the blame on to you.

In order for them to feel good about what they have just done to the person they are leaving behind, they have to portray that they are so happy.  That they have finally found the love of their life.  They want to prove to the world and to themselves that they did nothing wrong, that their actions were justified.

Acting responsibly

They are like the little child screaming for attention. That they are a great person, that they were not happy with you. So now they are really happy in this new relationship. When, if they were truly “unhappy” they could have ended the relationship with honesty and integrity. Telling you that they weren’t happy and giving time to think about whether the relationship can be repaired. By saying something like we seem to be drifting apart, and can we talk about what we both want for the future.  Which then provides a sensible way to discuss and plan things.

Instead they did everything wrong, they caused you maximum hurt and maximum emotional damage.  Ending the relationship abruptly. Either informing you that they had found someone else or you finding out that they had been living a double life. Or they had been repeatedly cheating throughout your whole relationship. This type of trauma, this type of betrayal, quite often leads to the person who has been abandoned or discarded in such a way, to experience anxiety and grief at such a level that sometimes it takes years for the person to recover.  Unfortunately some people never do recover. There are many stories to be told of the untold misery that can be inflicted. The suicides, the depression the turning to alcohol or prescription medication, that what was thought of a quick fix becomes a long term addiction.

You can recover and heal.


But truthfully, if you have been discarded or abandoned, they have done you a huge favour. Although you might not see it right now you will get to a better place, you can heal your emotional wounds.  In time you can say to yourself “oh my god, I dodged a bullet”.  Anyone who does not value you or respect you does not love you.  You don’t need that kind of relationship.  Someone who doesn’t see what an amazing person you are doesn’t deserve to have you in their life.

When you recover your self-worth, when you can forgive yourself. When forgive the other person then you will thank them for setting you free.  Everyone can make a mistake and get involved with another person. They can have an emotional or physical affair. However, someone who repeatedly makes mistakes by cheating on a wife or partner then that person does not value another human being. It comes down to this person causing so much pain by doing something that is so selfish, because he is not emotionally adult enough to handle separation the right way.

Red flags in the relationship

There were probably red flags in the relationship that you did not see. If there was blatant red flags, then there were most likely times  when you didn’t set firm boundaries within your relationship.  You may have made excuses for certain things they did or said that you brushed under the carpet, when you should have been more assertive and not allow boundaries to be crossed.

You may have attracted a person into your life that had many of the qualities you were looking for. Perhaps you ignored some aspects of their personality and behaviours, things that you would have not wanted in your relationship.  Like alcohol abuse, ill health, issues with anger outbursts and negative self-talk.   Behaviours that now your relationship has ended you can identify as things you do not want in a future relationship.  Perhaps there was not that deep connection, the supportive person, your cheerleader who would spur you on in things that you wanted to achieve.  

A person who ends a relationship abruptly and moves on quickly to a new relationship or has already found a person before ending the current relationship will end up with a “trophy wife” or someone who will be using them as well.  These types of people are not equipped to have healthy normal relationships.  They continue to repeat the mistakes of their past.

#LoveBomb #Devalue #Discard #Hoover #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissiticAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse

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