Why Your Dream Partner Checklist Needs an Upgrade.
The Law of Attraction is powerful. You’ve heard the advice: define what you want, write it down, visualise it, and you’ll attract it. I tried this myself back in 2009. I wrote out my list, starting with the headline, “What Type of Man,” and filled the page with exactly the qualities I thought I desired. And guess what? I attracted him. He was a brilliant match for the list.
What did I write down for my future?
Since I studied a lot of growth and personal development material, I have believed in writing down my goals and what I wanted to achieve. This could be health, money, relationships, and environment or home.
Quite often In periods of transition like when you lose a job or get divorced or the death of your husband or partner there is a period of confusion grieving and sometimes fear when you are in the mindset of “how will I manage on my own,” “what will I do now I have no job,” “how will I survive with less money coming in,” “how can I pay the mortgage now.” sleepless nights, all add to the stress of a situation you find yourself in. It was no different for me.
On one late night in January 2009 I was sitting in office in the flat and I started thinking about What Type of Man I wanted in my life it had been just over 2 years since my partner John had died I had met a couple of boyfriends but nothing that became serious. Anyway I was going to write out what I wanted in my next relationship. I took a piece of A4 paper and stared at the black sheet thinking about that night I had with my friends and I remember a song that was playing in the bar it was Bonnie Tyler singing Holding Out for a Hero and the words were I need a hero and he’s got to be strong, but what type of relationship was I looking for. I felt totally lost and confused. I don’t think I could identify the qualities I wanted in my next relationship, perhaps I should have started with what I didn’t want.
I wrote on the paper that I wanted a kind and generous man, a friend, a lover and a soulmate. Someone to laugh with. Someone who I could go on holiday with two or three times a year. A strong man, a confident man, someone to share my life with.
Who did I manifest into my life?
I have found a man who was in business for himself like me. he seemed like a gentleman kind and considerate. confident but not overpowering assertive but not controlling. he described himself as an alpha male. he made me laugh we laughed together. he was generous he paid for her first holiday together. it was my belief that I had found the man that was to be a friend I love her and the soulmate. someone with whom I would share my life. of course I was cautious at first I realized that I should trip carefully like any new relationship you need to take your time to get to know the person before you throw all caution to the wind.
Extract from: Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type of Man?
But, as I soon discovered to my cost, the Law of Attraction is literal, not intuitive. I received everything I asked for, but I omitted some critical, fundamental qualities. I forgot to include “ready to commit” and “healthy in body and mind.” The person I attracted was still disentangling from a recent separation and lacked the necessary emotional wholeness. The relationship was what I considered to be loving and caring in the beginning. We both had our own businesses and we both had our own properties. We spent a three days per week together, he worked away through the week and I was running my business from my home in the North East of England. There were a number of situations that I didn’t fully understand and since the relationship ended abruptly after eleven years in August 2020, I documented the red flags and self-published the truth.
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This is the Loophole: We focus on the visible traits (looks, hobbies, career) and ignore the invisible, non-negotiable health requirements that make a partnership last. Here is how to upgrade your manifestation checklist to attract a partner who is genuinely available, emotionally healthy, and ready for a deep connection.
Phase 1: Move from “What I Want” to “How I Want to Feel”
Successful manifestation doesn’t start with a list of things (a man with a great job, a woman who loves hiking); it starts with the energy you embody and the feelings you want the relationship to create. You don’t attract people; you attract energy. Your emotional state acts as the magnet. If you’re feeling frantic, rushed, or needy, you are likely to attract drama or instability. If you feel secure, whole, and joyful on your own, you attract others who are whole themselves.
Actionable Step: Create Your Feelings List
Before you write down a single trait, list the top five ways you want to feel in the relationship.
Feeling safe and secure.
Feeling respected and honored.
Feeling playful and supported.
This focuses your intention on the emotional quality of the connection, which is far more critical than basic practicalities.
Phase 2: The Critical Non-Negotiables You Can’t Omit
My biggest mistake was assuming the basics were a given. They are not. You must be precise and uncompromising when it comes to the fundamentals of health and readiness.
These two requirements are the absolute pillars you must add to your checklist today.
- Ready to Commit (The Availability Check)
Readiness means they are legally, emotionally, and physically available for a serious, long-term relationship. My experience with a recently separated partner taught me that “available” is not the same as “ready.”
How to Write It Into Your List:
“Is emotionally available and actively seeks a long-term, committed partnership.
“Has resolved all past entanglements and brings no unresolved emotional or legal baggage from previous relationships.”
“Shows their readiness through consistent actions, not just words.”
- Healthy in Body and Mind (The Wholeness Check)
This is the cornerstone of a sustainable partnership. It’s about emotional maturity, self-awareness, and personal responsibility. You can attract someone who is charming and handsome, but if they lack these things, the relationship will be built on a shaky foundation.
How to Write It Into Your List:
“Possesses high emotional intelligence and takes responsibility for their actions and feelings.”
“Manages stress healthily, practices self-care, and respects their personal boundaries.”
“Is financially and professionally stable (or actively working toward it) and brings stability into the partnership.”
The Three Pillars of Precise Attraction. What Type Of Man?
Your visualisation, you can use a diagram like the one here and write out the qualities on the lines, a truly successful manifestation requires the intersection of three things:
- Vibrational Match (Energy): Your current emotional state and feelings list.
- Specific Traits (Aspiration): The fun, surface-level traits (e.g., sense of humor, travel lover, hobbies you would like to share).
- Fundamental Health (Precision). The non-negotiables. Commitment and Emotional Health,
If you only have two of the three—for example, a Vibrational Match and Specific Traits—you will attract a partner who looks good on paper but causes you major heartache, just like I did. You must be precise
Here are some of the qualities: Free to commit, Kind, Loving, Attractive, Emotionally supportive, Happy, Caring, Positive outlook, Generous, Financially independent, Physically fit. Also think about hobbies and activities that you enjoy that your future partner and husband might also enjoy.
Clearing the Path: Releasing Blocks
Before you can effectively call in a healthy partnership, you must release the energetic space held by past toxic relationships. You can’t start a beautiful new chapter if you’re still mentally stuck on the previous one.
Take a few minutes today for a simple release ritual.
One try this “Oath of Manifestation Affirmations”
Two write down the name of a past hurtful relationship, reflect on the lessons learned, and then safely tear up or burn the paper. This symbolic act tells the universe (and your subconscious mind) that you are officially clearing the slate to make space for the stable connection you truly deserve.
Your worth is not determined by your relationship status. You are already whole. By focusing your Law of Attraction efforts on being precise, emotionally resonant, and uncompromising on health and readiness, you shift from hoping for a good partner to demanding a great one.
Now it’s your turn: What is the one non-negotiable related to commitment or emotional health that you are adding to your manifestation list today? Share it in the comments.
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