Intro: When “The End” is Only the Beginning
Most of us view the end of a relationship as a painful but definitive conclusion. However, a “discard” is not a normal relationship break-up. A normal break-up is a chapter closing, a period of grief followed by the slow, painful process of moving on. We assume that once partners separate, the core conflict is over, even if the emotional fallout lingers.
But for some, especially those who escape a toxic or abusive partner, the breakup or “discard” is not the end of the battle. It is the beginning of a new, more insidious war—one fought not with fists, but with court filings, psychological manipulation, and a calculated campaign to annihilate a person’s spirit. What happens when the person you leave refuses to let go, not with pleas for reconciliation, but with a multi-front war designed to leave you homeless, penniless, and questioning your own sanity?
The harrowing story of the author writing as Loren Keeling is a chilling case study in this devastating reality. After the abrupt, four-sentence termination of her 11-year relationship, she was plunged into a years-long ordeal of post-separation abuse. Her documented experience reveals shocking truths about the hidden forms of abuse that escalate after a breakup and the systemic failures that can leave survivors fighting for their home, their mind, and their safety.
The Abuse Doesn’t Stop; It Moves into the Courtroom
Post-separation abuse often escalates by weaponising the one system designed to provide justice: the courts. This tactic, known as “litigation abuse,” occurs when an ex-partner with more financial resources uses the legal system to continue to control, punish, and financially devastate their victim. The goal is not justice, but attrition.
After her relationship ended, she was subjected to a civil eviction case. When that didn’t deliver the immediate result he wanted, his strategy became overtly punitive. As explained in her video testimony, “he thought he would get the keys back within a couple of weeks of that hearing, it didn’t happen, and he got frustrated or angry or something, so by July the first, he was then communicating with his lawyer that he wanted to file a criminal case against me.”
The psychological warfare intensified. The police appeared at her gate with flashing lights, handing her a summons for what they described as “various minor misdemeanours.” It was only after collecting the documents that she discovered the horrifying reality. The law firm he hired had filed a series of shocking criminal allegations, listing the potential prison sentences in capital letters. The cumulative total was 15 years.
- Disclosure of Secrets: A Maximum of five years in prison
- Injury: Maximum 14 months’ fine
- Slander: Two years in prison
- Harassment: A further two years in prison
- Misappropriation: Three years of prison
- Theft: 18 months in prison
- Damages: Three years in prison
This legal onslaught is the first front in a war of annihilation, designed to create a state of constant fear and instability. Long after physical separation, the survivor is trapped in a new cycle of abuse, sanctioned and protracted by the very system they might have looked to for protection.
You Can Be Legally Homeless in Your Own Home
The next front in this war is often an attack on a survivor’s most basic sense of security: their home. Imagine the shock: after building a life for 11 years, she discovered that in the eyes of Spanish law, her home was not her own. A legal tool known as “precarious eviction” (desahucio por precario) can be used to evict a long-term, unmarried partner who is not on the property title.
After living for five years in what she considered their shared retirement home, she faced eviction with only her personal possessions. As she states on her support page, “For five years, I have been trapped in a legal battle, a non-married partner with no name on the property title, facing a system that seems ill-equipped to protect individuals in my situation.” This legal loophole turns a home into a cage, where years of partnership and non-financial contributions can be erased, rendering a partner a guest in their own home.
This is not an isolated issue but a recognised societal problem, particularly affecting women who are victims of domestic violence. As one news source highlights:
“The most common causes of homelessness in Spain include those seeking refuge and asylum, people suffering from drug and alcohol addiction and women who are victims of domestic violence.” – Euro Weekly News 2023
This vulnerability exposes a critical gap in legal protections for cohabiting couples. It serves as a stark warning of how an abuser can leverage systemic flaws to strip away a survivor’s foundation, a key step in a broader campaign of psychological destruction.
The Cruellest Wounds Are Invisible
With a survivor’s legal and physical security under attack, the war moves to its most insidious front: the mind. The most profound and lasting abuse is often not physical but psychological. The author’s story is a case study in coercive control, a pattern of behaviour designed to isolate, discredit, and silence a victim by making them doubt their own reality.
Recorded conversations reveal the cruel nature of this abuse. During one meeting, her ex-partner exploded in anger, telling her, “you can’t negotiate a gift” and “I’ll make it the 15th of fucking November if I want to… Don’t fuck about with me.”
The psychological blows were calculated and cold. He justified his decision to leave by framing himself as the real victim, stating, “This isn’t easy for me, Loren, because I put other people first all of my life, and now I’m putting me first. And unfortunately, you’re a bit of collateral damage on that…”
But perhaps the most chilling example of verbal abuse—and the basis of a gender violence complaint—was his assessment of how others would see her attempts to tell her story:
“They’re not going to give you feedback and say, actually, you look like a fucking bleeding heart, postmenopausal, sad old bitch who’s just been fucking dumped on her own again.”
This type of violence leaves no bruises but inflicts deep, invisible wounds. It is designed to erode a person’s self-worth and dismantle their perception of reality, a crucial tactic in ensuring the abuser evades all responsibility.
Accountability Is a Fantasy
In a toxic relationship, especially one with a narcissistic individual, accountability is an illusion. Abusers rarely take responsibility. Instead, they often deploy DARVO—a tactic that stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. This refusal to offer closure is not an oversight; it is the final act in the psychological war, designed to leave the survivor in a permanent state of confusion.
The author’s ex-partner consistently refused to accept responsibility for his actions or the pain he caused. In a recorded conversation, he shut down any attempt to understand what had happened:
“You have no moral high ground at all, Loren, because we haven’t talked about why our relationship failed, and it’s not all down to me. It’s not all down to me and we don’t need to talk about it cos it’s over.”
This is a textbook example of DARVO: He Denies his role (“it’s not all down to me”), Attacks her for lacking “moral high ground,” and Reverses Victim and Offender by implying she is unfairly blaming him, thereby refusing her the closure needed for healing. This deliberate manipulation ensures the abuser’s psychological influence continues long after they are gone, leaving their target trapped in a loop of self-doubt.
Telling Your Story Is an Act of Power
When an abuser’s psychological warfare is designed to render a survivor homeless, broken, and silent, the ultimate act of defiance is to speak. Reclaiming and sharing one’s narrative is a profound act of empowerment that transforms personal trauma into a tool for education, advocacy, and healing for others. It is the final battle, fought to reclaim the truth.
This courageous act serves multiple purposes beyond just recounting events:
- Shattering the Silence That Protects Abusers: Abuse thrives in secrecy. Sharing a story demonstrates that abuse is a societal problem, not a personal failure, making it easier for others to come forward.
- Reclaiming One’s Narrative to Turn Pain into Purpose: Writing allows survivors to process trauma and become the authors of their own strength, taking back control from the person who tried to erase them.
- Advocating for Systemic Change: Personal stories are invaluable for educating the public on the dynamics of abuse and lobbying for better laws and support systems that protect the vulnerable.
- Creating a Lifeline for Those Still Trapped: For someone currently experiencing abuse, a survivor’s story can be the first time they see their own reality reflected, offering hope, validation, and proof that recovery is possible.
The author, under her pen name Loren Keeling, has channelled her experience into this very purpose. By publishing her books and planning to establish a non-profit in Spain to empower other survivors, she transforms a story of personal hardship into a powerful movement for change.
Quote
The sequel to Post Separation Abuse. Betrayal and Abandonment. What Type of Man? I started writing in 2024, but unfortunately, my experience of trauma and overwhelm stopped me from publishing in December 2024. The Spanish Civil Court set another eviction date for 19th December, that date holds a significsant amount of grief the anniversary of the funeral of my past partner who died in 2006, and also the anniversary of the sudden death of my youngest daughter – my trauma escalated. The eviction was only suspended two days before the date. I honestly thought I would be made destitute in Spain with nowhere to go.
Conclusion: From Trauma to Transformation
After a discard, the abuser can unleash a devastating aftermath, a war of attrition where legal systems are weaponised and invisible wounds cut deeper than any physical blow. It is a campaign designed to leave a survivor isolated, depleted, and silenced. But a survivor’s journey does not have to end in despair.
By courageously sharing her story, the author reclaims her own narrative and provides a lifeline to others trapped in similar circumstances. She turns a story of hardship into a powerful movement for change. Exposes the hidden mechanics of coercive control and the systemic failures that enable it. Her journey forces us to ask a critical question: How can we, as a society, become better at recognising the invisible signs of post-separation abuse before it escalates into all-out war in our courtrooms?
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